


Requiem

by Haunted_E_L



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Divergent, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit sex scenes, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Idiot lesbian commits atrocities, If you can handle the games you can handle this fic, Iffy Russian Translations, M/M, Other, PTSD, Transgender woman, Unrequited Love, not a lot, sex as a mutual coping mechanism, transgender lesbian
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:53:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 36,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25666231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haunted_E_L/pseuds/Haunted_E_L
Summary: Catherine Thompson, a stable hand and fisherwoman, lived a mostly peaceful life with her daughter and future wife in Jackson County, Wyoming. When attacks on the town begin ramping up in frequency, she and a group are sent on a week long supply run in an attempt to stock up Jackson's dwindling armoury. A greater battle awaits them as winter approaches.In short, this story details what happens in Jackson during the fall and winter after Ellie and Joel leave for St. Mary's.
Relationships: Maria/Tommy (The Last of Us), Original Female Character/Original Female Character, Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Kudos: 8





	1. Temporary New Arrival

**Author's Note:**

> Just a preface, I started writing this a few months before the second game came out. It's fairly canon compliant anyway, as we don't know what did happen in Jackson between Ellie and Joel leaving and returning in the spring. I really just wrote all this for myself, but I hope someone else also enjoys it

Catherine sat in that dank little room, leaning over a table of sketchy blueprints and maps that led to dead ends. She would replace the lightbulb, if she could find one. She scribbled a few measly notes on a map of patrols, not of her own, and turned to the woman on the other side of the room. She was blonde, tall, and broad-shouldered.

"Ksenija, can you give me a report on the armoury?" She asked.

After being passed a heavy notebook bound in leather, she sighed. Her eyes trailed down the list of guns, explosives, ammunition and other hostilities. It was null. She sighed.

"This… it's not good."

Ksenija shook her head.

Afterwards, Catherine stood at the front gate, rifle in hand, keeping watch. Her fingers ran over the chamber and the bolt, then the bolt handle, then the safety. Her finger twitched at each bit of movement in the surrounding forest, switching the safety on and off again. It was usually for the better when nothing showed, though. Two figures emerged just then, in the distance. She squinted, both from the rain falling in her eyes and her attempts at seeing further. She gave in and peered down the scope, the safety on. It was a girl and her father. The little one was dressed in a striped sweatshirt reminding her of neapolitan ice cream, and the father in a flannel. She seemed unbothered by the rain, smiling with the man. By her erratic movements and changing facial expressions, she must have been telling a story. He seemed very amused by it.

Catherine put the gun down and spoke into the radio clipped to her shoulder harness.

"Maria, there are two people approaching the gate. Father and Daughter." She spoke more like she was asking what to do, as opposed to informing Maria of the visitors.

"Tommy's on his way."

Her brow scrunched together as she wondered what to do. Tommy wouldn't be there in time to handle it for her, so she climbed the rusting ladder down from her watchtower and slid open the latch on the gate. She stood outside of it, waiting. The man finally noticed her and pushed the girl behind him. Despite his friendly disposition, he was heavily armed.

"Can I help you?" She asked, approaching them.

"My name's Joel, I'm looking for my brother, Tommy." He had that same Texan accent Tommy had. She nodded.

The gate behind her opened. Tommy's hair was damp, strays that weren't pulled back clung to his face. His face scrunched before his eyes widened, and he realized.

"Joel." He exhaled.

"Tommy."

"Holy shit." He passed Catherine, and pulled the man named Joel into a hug.

"How ya doin', baby brother?" Joel asked.

Catherine watched on, smiling as the reunion unfolded. She heard once about Joel, from Maria in passing. The last the two brothers had seen of each other hadn't been good. It was evident, as they cracked jokes at each other, that the marks had faded.

"This is Catherine, by the way. She's a good friend of mine."

"Ma'am." Joel greeted her.

She simply nodded back, smiling politely.

"How about we get you inside? Then you can introduce me to the youngin."

Catherine glanced at the girl. A youngin she was not. She could see it in her eyes. Just like the rest of them, she had seen things no one should have. Catherine latched the gate shut behind them and attempted to return to her post.

"Hey, come with us." Tommy said.

"And my post?"

"I'll send someone to cover for you, don't worry about it."

She sighed, glanced at the tower, then caught up with them. Tommy brought them to the cafeteria- or an old warehouse he converted to a dining hall. The lights were dim and flickered, and the floors were wet from the rain dripping from the roof. But it was warm enough and dry enough, and the food was good enough. Catherine brought out what was left from breakfast from a beat up, old ice box and sat beside Tommy as the newcomers indulged.

"So, is the girl yours?" Tommy asked, once the two didn't look as starved.

"No, no. Her name's Ellie. We're uh, passing through." Joel glanced at Catherine, seemingly tying her into the conversation.

"Anything you can tell me, you can tell her. She's as good as they get."

"It ain't one of those things, Tommy. We can talk about it later on."

Catherine, not entirely sure what Tommy wanted her there for, plucked a berry out of a bowl.

"You've got horses, don't you? Thought I saw one on my way in." Joel said.

"We sure do. Catherine's the one that brought most of 'em in. There was a herd, on the plains. Just one of 'em didn't mind people and- Hell, it must've spread the word 'cause she got the whole lot of 'em down here." Tommy chuckled and would've gone on, his love of telling stories getting the best of him, but Joel stopped him.

"Ellie, you mentioned riding horses in Boston?"

"Uhh, yeah?" Her mouth quirked in an expectant smile.

"You think Catherine could take her for a ride while we talk?"

Tommy raised his brows at Joel and placed an arm on the table. It was evident he wanted to talk to Tommy absolutely alone.

"Catherine?" Tommy asked.

"If she wants to, I don't see why not."

Ellie, apparently shy around new people, nodded.

"Sounds awesome." She said.

"Let's get a move on, then. Let the boys have their space."

Ellie had a slight hop in her step with a full stomach and the promise of a horse ride. The rain subsided, if only slightly. Breaks in the clouds exposed the sky and Catherine hoped it would hold out until they were done.

"Joel mentioned Boston. Is that where you're from?"

"Yeah, I'm from the zone there."

"Well, shouldn't you be in school, then?" Catherine snorted.

"Probably. A lot happened."

"A long story. I get ya."

Catherine led her down the road, cracked and barely fit for cars anymore. They came upon the barn quickly, which was built over time by the townsfolk. It was rustic, that's for sure. Made of big logs, sawed down laboriously, and interlocked. She opened the doors with effort, the corner of it following the canal it had dug in the dirt floor over the years. Ellie shuffled through the straw before the horses caught her attention.

"We got a few ponies that'll be a good fit for ya." She said, walking to the end of the stables. She unlatched one of them and out stepped a small bay roan, one of the many horses she broke from the plains.

"What's this one called?" Ellie asked. Catherine peered around the roan once she tightened the saddle and noticed what she was pointing at.

"That's Soldier. He's a big, mean Andalusian, and he's mine. He's not fond of too many people, but he sure does love Maria and I."

"Maria?"

"Tommy's wife. She kinda runs the place. Definitely keeps me in order." She chuckled, "You know how bridles work?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Put this on him for me."

"Got it."

She passed her the bridle and then watched as she slid it over the roan's snout. Despite being pretty small, she hugged the horses head and got the straps over his ears.  _ That  _ was when she ran into trouble.

"He won't open his mouth." It appeared the gelding was being stubborn.

"Shove your thumb in the back of his mouth, behind his teeth."

" _ Gross… _ " She hesitated, but pressed her thumb into the horse's mouth. He opened right up, allowing her to pull the bit inward. Catherine chuckled and turned her attention to Soldier. She unlatched his gate and led him out slowly. He towered over both of the girls, and his dapple grey coat shimmered in even the dim sunlight that had been scattered through the clouds. First a blanket, then the saddle, then the bridle, then the reins. Dressed to the nines, she led him out of the barn, Ellie following.

"So, what do you do around here?" The girl asked, hopping onto the roan.

"Well, I raise the horses." She admitted with a smile.

"That's pretty cool. Is it… I dunno, hard?"

"Harder than people think. Every horse has its own personality, its own quirks and fears. And there's a bit of heavy lifting involved. Along with  _ a lot _ of knowledge. It can be hard to tell what a horse needs or what it's feeling."

"Yeah, that sounds pretty hard." Ellie laughed.

"The harder the job, the bigger the reward." Catherine hummed.

Ellie didn't seem to ask any questions about where they were going, which was good, since she thought it would make a good surprise. They rode through the back gate, breaking into a thin forest. Trees were scattered, a mixture of pines and yellowing alders. What little green was left in those woods came from the ponderosas. She inhaled deeply, petrichor hanging heavy in the air. It was cool and refreshing, and much more enjoyable on horseback than in a watchtower.

"How long have you been here?" Ellie asked.

"Here, in Jackson? Quite a few years. I fell in with some Fireflies, that includes Tommy, when I was roughing it on my own. Then, we found this place. It's modest. It reminds me of before."

"Before? You're not  _ that _ old."

"I'm flattered." Catherine snorted, "I was about your age when everything went to hell."

"That… must have been scary."

"It was. I won't lie. I was in Seattle, one of the cities that got nuked."

"How did you get out?"

"Luck. My dad got us out of there as soon as possible."

"Is he around?"

Catherine went quiet.

"We got separated in a quarantine zone. Haven't seen him or my mother since." She cleared her throat, and realized Ellie was in a very similar situation.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"Thanks." She said genuinely.

Catherine squinted at the horizon, noting the upcoming hill that would expose the pasture once they climbed it.

"Looks like we're almost there. Just over the hill."

She leaned forward as Soldier clambered up the slight incline, hooves digging into the muddied ground. They reach the top… and Ellie smiles. At the bottom of the hill were plains, likely old farm land taken back by nature over the last 20 years. In the tall patches of grass stood Jackson's proud herd of horses, some mares toting foals. With the clouds scattered, exposing blue sky and the evening sun, it was picturesque. The horses rolled in the grass, some played, and all the while, Ellie looked on in wonder.

"It's a whole herd of them!" She said, "Are they all the town's?"

"Yep. Most of them were wild, but took well to us."

As she admired the animals alongside Ellie, Soldier grew uneasy.

"Hey, what is it, boy?" She bent over in the saddle and followed his eyes, spotting movement in the line of the forest.

"Someone got here first." She said.

"What?" Ellie leaned forward, searching.

"They've already seen us. Just act like you haven't seen them."

"Should we go back?"

Catherine looked down at the horses, elegant against the blazing sun.

"Yeah…" She turned around and Ellie followed, "Stay close, alright?"

"Got it. Yeah."

She held down the button on her radio and spoke into it.

"Maria, you there?"

"Just like always. Whatcha need?"

"I spotted some people by the pasture. I'm escorting Ellie back to town, but I need some people down here. Armed."

"Sending some folks now. Y'all be safe, alright?"

Catherine didn't respond. Instead, she risked looking back. At the top of the hill stood one man. Or, they looked like a man, so covered in clothes she couldn't tell. Their face was covered with a gas mask.


	2. Hostile

"We gotta go." Catherine said, stern and uneasy.

"You're just gonna run?" Ellie began reaching for her pistol.

"Don't you dare. You're  _ my _ responsibility right now. When I say run, run. Got it?"

"But the-"

"No." One final stern word, and she jabbed her heels into the horse's flank. He squeals and pounds the earth under him, while Ellie follows just beside her. The roan struggled to keep up, huffing and snorting, small chest heaving. It was clear it had never been pushed that hard in the few years it had been alive. Although attempting to focus on the environment ahead of her, she looked at Ellie, who appeared frightened out of her mind. She lay flat against the horse's neck with wide eyes despite the wind lashing her face.

"Maria! Get someone on the back gate, we need it open!"

"We're getting hit! We can't open it, they're surrounding us!"

"Son of a bitch! Ellie, stop the horse!"

The horses became doubly alarmed as they pulled the reins, bits cutting harshly against their gums. She had never heard the roan make such a shrill, gargled yell. Catherine dismounted and swung the reins over Soldier's head, holding them tightly under his chin.

"Get off the horse." 

"What's going on?" Catherine takes Ellie by the waist and helps her down.

"The town's under attack."

"Okay, so we go and stop them, right?"

"No. If you get killed- Christ, kid, just listen." She lowers her voice and holds onto her shoulders, "We're gonna send off the horses and wait it out in the woods. Okay?"

Ellie looked up at her, eyes full of concern and brows furrowed. She nods.

"Good."

Catherine slaps the flanks of the two horses and they, despite their evident exhaustion, run. She keeps Ellie in front of her as they escape through the trees. They keep walking for a while, maybe a quarter of a mile from the trail, and finally feel safe.

"Maria? You hear me?"

There was nothing. Either she had gone too far, or they got inside. She switched the channel.

"Tommy?"

Nothing. She stood in silence, her throat burning.

"Susie."

"Hey! Where are you?"

"Oh,  _ fuck _ ." She turned from Ellie, hiding her face as it contorted. "Thank God. Thank God, you're okay." She chokes back her tears and clears her throat.

"Tommy and Maria aren't responding." She said, pulling herself together.

"I don't know what's going on. Me and Flynn are in the cafeteria with the kids."

"Christ…" She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath, "How- how is it? Is it quiet?"

"It has been, for a few minutes. I think it's over."

"Is Dina there?"

"Right next to me, hun." 

"Can I talk to her?"

"Hey, mom." Hearing her voice brought more tears to her eyes. She pressed the radio to her forehead.

"Hey, sweetheart." She couldn't cover the cracking in her voice very well, but hopefully enough that she wouldn't upset Dina, "Are you okay?"

"Physically, yeah."

"I'll be back soon. Just stay with Susie."

"Don't have much of a choice. But, um, be safe, okay?"

"I will."

Catherine hooked the radio onto her shoulder harness and took a deep breath. She sat in the wet leaves, leaning against the same tree as Ellie. It was quiet, for a while. Ellie shifted in her spot and turned to Catherine.

"You have a family?" She asked, peering around the tree.

"Yeah, I do." She nodded, "They're uh… a found family."

"I think that's what Joel is." She thumped back against the tree, looking upward.

"That's good. We all need someone."

"Is Susie your wife?"

Catherine smiles and huffs, "No, but, I wouldn't complain if she was."

"You should totally get married."

"I'll ask her. Eventually."

"What if she beats you to it?"

Catherine chuckled, "That would be really nice, too."

"You're a lot nicer than I thought you would be."

"What made me seem not nice?"

"The guns, for starters. And you didn't talk much. You mostly nodded."

"I'm no good at talking." She said simply.

"I think you're pretty good at it."

"Well, thank you," She laughed, "We should head back."

"Good idea."

Catherine stands first and offers Ellie her hand, which she takes. She lifts the girl off the ground and points in the direction of Jackson, as opposed to the road. It certainly took them much longer than the road would have taken, and even longer without the horses, but they broke through the last of the slick shrubbery and were met with the towering wall of Jackson. They walked along it until they came upon the gate, and thankfully, the two horses. She patted Soldier on the neck, smiling softly.

"You alright, buddy?" She cooed.

Then, the gate opened. Mon Boon stood there, an older Korean man with dark, scraggly hair. In his left hand, he held a rifle. He was most definitely a sight for sore eyes. He motioned for them to come in, and they did, horses following closely.

"It's good to have you back, Catherine. But things didn't go so well." Each of his words were punctuated by his accent.

"We can talk about it in a minute. I need to get Ellie back to Joel. Do you know where he is? And Tommy and Maria?"

"They should be at the barracks."

"Thank you, Mon Boon."

"No problem." He nodded.

Catherine hopped onto Soldier's back and helped Ellie up. The roan was clearly still exhausted, but Soldier was built for pushing. Not that Ellie seemed to weigh much to him at all. She held onto the roan's reins while Catherine trotted them to the barracks toward the front of the town. Just outside, she spotted the trio she was searching for. Ellie jumped from the horse's back, much to Catherine's dismay, and ran to Joel. Despite what happened, she had a grin on her face. Joel took her by the arms and began looking her over as she rambled.

"And then Catherine said she saw someone in the woods, so we started leaving, then this weird guy with a gas mask showed up and-!"

"Ellie, Ellie! Are you hurt?" He shook her slightly, just to get her attention as her brain ran.

"No." She said, as if what he asked was ridiculous.

Relief washed over his face as his head hung down. He sighed, and patted her shoulder. Tommy cursed, and pulled Maria aside. 

"Catherine, you too."

"Ah, just a moment."

Tommy sighed as she took Soldier and the roan to a nearby trough against the barracks to let them drink. It was much needed. She hitched each horse to posts on either side of the trough and returned to Tommy. Everything seemed calm, like things had settled.

"That girl that Joel brought… she's- hell, I don't know how to say it. She's immune."

"To the fungus?" Catherine asked, arms crossed and eyes wide.

"Apparently. Joel's taking her to the Fireflies down in Colorado. Or he was, until he got here. He… wants me to take her."

"Absolutely not. You tell him to go find someone else."

"Maria, I can't have this hanging over my head. He cares about this girl a lot." He grew quiet, then said, "I think she reminds him of Sara, ya know?"

"Do you have any idea how many we lost today? It takes one. One fuck up and I turn into- into one of those… widows! Okay?"

Catherine winced. She turned and saw Ellie through the window of the barracks. The girl looked at her, then at Joel. He was stern, almost angry. As Ellie's nose scrunched, she turned and walked away. Joel called after her and was ignored. Catherine turned her eyes away as they met Joel's.

"I have to do this." Tommy said, "I don't know what else to say."

Catherine could tell Maria was on the brink. That way she got quiet when yelling didn't cut it.

"I can take her." Catherine said, without thinking.

"What?" Tommy and Maria seemed to say at once.

"You said it yourself," She said carefully, "Anything Joel can trust you with, he can trust me with. So, why not this?"

"You've got a  _ kid _ , Catherine. And you've got Susie, and Flynn."

"What, is Maria obsolete in this? We've all got families, Tommy." She shook her head.

"You ain't doing this for me. I have to. Because he's my brother."

Catherine nodded.

"Fine." Maria said.

"Maria-" Tommy tried to stop her as she began walking away. She walked away from the both of them, feet falling heavy against the ground. Tommy followed.

Catherine stood in that spot and sighed. She needed to know who the casualties were, so she could grieve, and keep the ledger up to date. Looking around the town, she spotted bodies, at least a dozen. The closest one was on its side. She slowly approached, then crouched beside it. They were small. She gently took their shoulder and turned them onto their back. It was Mon Boon's son, Bak. He wasn't very old, just a teenager. He and Dina were friends. She fell back onto the wet cement and sat with her elbows on her curled up knees, hands clasped together. Hitting her forehead, she simply began crying. She wiped her face and moved back from the body, from Bak. She wondered if he just didn't make it to the dining hall, if he got caught as they broke in, or if he tried to fight back. All scenarios pushed bile further up her throat.

"Catherine? What happened?"

Catherine wiped her face once more and looked up, completely distraught. Her girlfriend, Susie, stood there. She was clearly disquieted by the entire scene, and knelt beside her.

"It's Bak…" Catherine croaked.

"Oh- oh, God…" She placed herself between Catherine and the bodies and held her by the arms, "Come on, you don't need to see this."

"Why not?" She mumbled, pushing her hair back and looking at the scene, "I knew them, I-"

"It's okay, it's okay, I know."

"Susie…" She looked up at her, and her blonde bangs that partially covered the sides of her eyes. Her eyes, that were bright green despite the clouds quickly beginning to gather again over the mountains. Above them, her rounded eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah?" She answered sweetly.

Catherine looked around once more and swallowed harshly. She held out her hand and Susie helped her up.

"Dina's still at the dining hall with Flynn. Let's go get her, and go home. Okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, sounds good." She smiled briefly. It was forced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usually I prefer my chapters to be longer, like waaayyy longer, but I didn't really write this with chapters in mind so I'm just trying to break it up in an interesting manner ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	3. Hidden Pines Corral

Dina could see in an instant that something was wrong. Just by the way her mother's arms were stiff, and she didn't quite smile when she saw her. Dina latched around her anyway. Catherine wrapped her arms around her and nestled her nose into her hair, finally feeling content. She blinked and noticed the beat up work clothes she had on.

"Where'd you go?" Dina asked, looking up.

"Tommy's brother, Joel, showed up. He had a kid named Ellie with him. We were out for a ride while Tommy and Joel talked, then it happened." She sighed.

"How about you wait here with Suse, I'll go get Soldier, and you can help me get him into the corral?"

She smiled, and nodded. Catherine didn't often let her handle Soldier, given her small stature, but he was so drained that he wouldn't have the energy to be any kind of antagonistic.

Then, from behind them, she heard shouting and the unmistakable sound of hooves clattering against concrete. She gently pushed Dina behind her as two men rode up to her on horses. Isha and Dinesh, she recognized. Two brothers, nearly inseparable. One mute.

"Your horse was stolen! That brat took him! The one Tommy's brother dragged in!" Said Dinesh. 

Their horses danced under them, made anxious by the older brother's yelling.

"We brought you fresh horses, so you can go after her. She ran out of the front gate." Isha and Dinesh jumped off of the animals, two quarter horses of a chestnut and cremello colouring.

"How'd she steal your horse? He doesn't even like me." Susie asked.

Catherine shook her head, climbing into the saddle of the chestnut, "I don't know, let's just go find her. And my god damn horse." She turned in the saddle to look at Susie's brother.

"Funk, if anything happens to Dina while we're gone, it's your head."

"Yep. Mhm. Got it. Got… it." Susie's brother held up two thumbs, seemingly as a nervous, knee-jerk reaction.

Susie followed Catherine out of Jackson on the cremello, but they stopped soon after, checking for tracks. Catherine leaned out of her saddle, eyes focused on the ground until she spotted the faint outlines of Soldier's shoes. Joel arrived soon after with Tommy.

"Do you know where she went?" Joel asked. Despite his typical collected demeanor, he wasn't focused when she answered.

"She took him up the hill through the trees, but she wasn't careful about it. God damnit."

"She wants us to find her." Joel mumbled.

"How do you know?"

"If she didn't, she wouldn't have taken your horse."

Catheirne nodded, then urged her horse forward. It lost its footing in the muddy hill, snorting as it became startled.

"Easy, boy. You're alright." She hummed low, patting its neck. It seemed her luck that day had run out as the horse snorted once more. Once at the top of the hill, she pulled the right rein to the side. It distracted the animal just enough that she could move forward once again.

Catherine was certain that Soldier wouldn't take Ellie far, but as his hoof prints began splashing through puddles and even leaping over logs, she found herself questioning where the hell she planned on going? Catherine thought, she didn't have a plan.

They came upon a puddle large enough to be called a pond, and a log wedged between two towering stones. Catherine climbed down from the quarter horse as she noticed the log was wrapped with barbed wire. She observed it, and noticed a thinner wire, like fishing line. A trip wire. She pushed her hair back and looked up at the other three.

"She went this way, but it's trapped."

"How'd she get past it, then?" Susie asked.

"Soldier's a good jumper, and he's not afraid of a little barbed wire." She scrubbed her face and grabbed the chestnut by the bridle, "Go on, move the horses back. I'm setting it off."

"You're setting it off? The hell's that gonna do for us?" Tommy scolded.

"Move the horses back, you heard me." 

"You're losing it, Cat."

"Yeah, I am. Call me that again and I'll use you to set off the trap."

Tommy chuckled, "Go on ahead, then."

Catherine took a knife from the saddlebag of the chestnut and threw it directly at the log. The wire snapped and there was a sudden flume of fire charring the log and the sound of shattering glass. She immediately shielded her eyes while holding onto the horse's bridle. It attempted to rear, and yelled shrilly. The other horses  _ did _ rear, unsuccessfully trying to throw their riders.

Catherine vaulted over the log and was met with gun fire. She dodged behind a fallen tree within the miniature gorge and took her pistol from her hip. Not exactly expecting visitors, she left her rifle in the barn. Peering over the log, she spotted at least a dozen men, staring right back at her. A few fired, and she shamefully ducked back down. As the fire settled, Susie, Joel, and Tommy leapt over the log. Susie and Joel found cover behind a rusted car, while Tommy skidded next to Catherine, splattering mud on himself. He, thankfully, had a rifle.

"Are you good?" He asked.

"Could be better."

"Are you  _ shot?" _

"No."

"Then keep it that way." He propped his rifle on the tree and fired, slightly deafening her right ear.

She swung around and aligned the sight of her pistol at the head of a bandit. The brutality of it frightened her as their neck snapped back and their knees crumpled. She ducked once more and cocked the weapon. The next time she fired, she aimed for the body, but the bandit dodged behind a rock and she hit him in the foot. He didn't pop back out again for a while. When he did, she took another shot. He fell behind the rock a second time and didn't show up again.

Although desperately needing to focus on what  _ she _ was doing, she looked around the exposed roots at Susie. Her eyes were sharp, stern and focused.

Things grew quiet quickly. Tommy helped her up as they both slid in the mud and she moved to stable ground as soon as she could. She couldn't help herself and took Susie's hand as she walked toward her.

"Are you good?"

"Yeah, I'm alright. Let's get back to the horses."

They ride through the small outpost they shot up, leaving bodies scattered there as the bandits had in Jackson. After leaving it, Catherine picked up on more horse tracks, definitely big enough to be Soldier's.

"Yeah, she went this way."

"Why'd she come out so far?" Tommy huffed.

"Wanted to make a statement, I guess." Joel grumbled.

"Well, did she?" Catherine sat up in her saddle and smirked. She didn't expect a reply, but was disappointed either way when she didn't get one.

Despite the recent chaos and clangour, the horses bravely took them down a long dirt road, soggy and pooled. Their hooves splashed water against the riders' pants as they crossed puddles. They broke through the trees and spotted fences, then an old farmhouse with a gate, and a sign reading "Hidden Pines Corral." Hidden it was. Catherine wasn't sure she saw any actual roads leading up to it and its decrepit stables. So decrepit, a fallen tree was nestled into the roof.

"There's Soldier." Susie said, "She's gotta be here."

Catherine sighed with relief as she spotted her horse, head hung down as he ate the grass at his feet. Joel pushed past them all to get to the house first. The horses hopped over the downed gate to the corral and the riders tied them to the porch rails. Joel entered through the front doors, not being even slightly wary, considering their recent encounter. They all entered the house, Catherine remaining at the front windows, Tommy breaking off to the living room on the right, and Susie heading toward the kitchen on the left.

"Ellie?" Joel called whilst looking around, "Ellie?!"

"I'm up here!" She replied.

"Jesus Christ…"

Catherine was relieved she was okay. Although she tried not to eavesdrop, they each raised their voices in turn.

"...Putting yourself at risk? It's pretty goddamn stupid." She could hear Joel scold her.

"Admit that you wanted to get rid of me the whole time!" Ellie said. Catherine winced and pressed her forehead against the window. No wonder she did what she did. A girl with no parents finally finding someone she can trust, then finding out she was being pawned off.

"How many close calls have we had?" A brief pause for Ellie to respond.

"And now you will be doing even better with Tommy!" He was aggressive. Angry that she wouldn't do what he said.

Catherine blinked rapidly as she opened her eyes, readjusting to the evening light that was now disappearing behind the trees. There was movement in the distance.

"Everyone! fucking- except for you! So don't tell me that I would be safer with someone else because the truth is…" Ellie's voice trailed off.

Catherine's chest tightened as the movement trailed along the edge of the trees, vanishing and reappearing at random intervals. Stooping, she stepped back from the window.

"Hey, there are more of them. I can't tell how many. You two stay on the windows while I get Joel and Ellie."

Tommy nodded and held his rifle tightly while peering out of the living room's bay window. Susie crouched slightly while scanning the treeline.

Catherine ran upstairs as carefully as possible, almost falling over a dresser that had been pushed into the middle of the hallway for some odd reason. She pushed open the door and was stopped in her tracks by Ellie. There were tears in her eyes.

"Joel, they followed us." There was unfortunately no time to address anything else.

Joel immediately moved to the window.

"Two moving in the back."

"There's even more out front." Catherine said, exasperated.

Then, there were gunshots from downstairs. Catherine took her pistol from its holster and ran to the top of the stairs. A man was halfway up them and would have killed her if she hadn't left her safety off. She hit him in the throat. He dropped his gun and it fell down the stairs behind him. His eyes went from her gun, to her face, then to her eyes. He was angry, and confused. Then he collapsed, blood flowing down the stairs and soaking into the carpet. The heel of her boot splatters the blood outward as she runs past.

Someone grabbed Catherine's arm from the edge of the kitchen and spun her around. She jammed the pistol under the jaw of her assailant, only to realize she was looking into the eyes of her girlfriend. Susie let go of her arm immediately as Catherine pulled away the weapon. Neither said anything as their eyes looked over the other, but were nonetheless interrupted by the back door getting kicked in. Susie pulled her down behind the large kitchen island as footsteps rounded both sides of it. Catherine aimed her gun upward, well away from herself, and as soon as the man stepped into view, she fired. He yelled out, grabbed his chest, and clutched at the fabric of his jacket with wide eyes. Susie had shot the second one at the same time, then they waited.

"We're clear!" Joel hollered.

The group of five filed out of the front door, Susie holding something in her hand. Catherine noticed the chain dangling from her palm when they were behind the kitchen island.

"What's that?" Catherine asked, as casually as she could muster.

"It's uh," Susie climbed into the back of the cremello, as Catherine mounted the chestnut, "It's a pendant. I found it on a writing desk in the living room." She held it out so she could read it.

"Brent Pino… 317. You're 316, aren't you?"

"Yeah…" Susie pocketed the pendant, visibly upset. They pulled the horses reins to the side and turned around, beginning their return to Jackson.

"You knew him?" Catherine inquired, gently.

"And his sister. I probably sound like a right fool, hoping they're okay."

"It's not foolish to have a little hope."

Susie snorted half-heartedly, "That was her name. Hope Pino." Subconsciously, she began fiddling with her own pendant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this ages ago but definitely remember having fun doing so. I had just replayed the first game, getting ready for the second one and oh boy i gotta play it again cause I know it's gonna hit different


	4. I Feed Horses for a Living

_ Long _ . That's the only way Catherine could describe the ride back. No one spoke. She couldn't find the courage to bring anything up herself, not even the pleasant weather after the rainfall. All she could find comfort in was the chestnut's soft mane run through her fingers. Over and over she thought of the man on the stairs. And how they just left him there to rot. His eyes were burnt into hers. The horse stopped at the hill above Jackson on its own. Catherine was only jostled out of her thoughts when she realized she wasn't moving anymore.

"Where is this lab of theirs?" Joel asked, leaning forward on the horn of the saddle.

"It's all the way out. University of Eastern Colorado."

"Go Big Horns." He joked. Then he looked at Ellie, "Ellie, get off your horse, give him on back to Catherine. I'm gonna hang on to this fella, if that's alright with you."

She tore her eyes from the view of Jackson in an instant and looked at Joel like a confused, hopeful puppy.

"Go on. Don't make me repeat myself."

"What are you doing?" Tommy asked.

Catherine knew exactly what he was doing. She'd seen many a man and woman have a change of heart over the years. He loved that girl.

"Your wife kinda scares me." Joel sighed, "I don't want her coming after me."

"Sorry for stealing your horse." Ellie was beside her with Soldier's reins in her hand. She took them.

"Don't worry. I think he likes you, anyway."

Ellie patted his neck one last time before Joel heaved her into the saddle with him.

"Look, come back to town. Let's discuss it, at least." Tommy nearly begged.

"Eh, you know me. My mind's all made up. University Eastern Colorado… How do I find this lab?"

"It's the science building. Looks like a giant mirror, you can't miss it."

"You take care of that wife of yours."

"There's a place for you here, you know."

He nods.

"You good?" He asks Ellie.

"I'm good."

"Adios, little brother."

Catherine could tell then and there, as his brother and the girl rode away, that Tommy would have gone with them. If it weren't for that town, he would have kept his promise to take care of Ellie, but with Joel at his side.

They departed at the stables, Tommy seeming hazy, if anything. Catherine walked home with Susie, wondering about him and how long he would be affected by Joel coming and going so quickly. Susie seemed to be trapped in her own mind as well, holding the found Firefly pendant in her pocket. Catherine hooked her finger around her pinky.

She sunk low into her pillow, her brown curls spread around it, staring at the guns hung on the opposite wall. Dina was two rooms over, with similar weaponry, in case things got even worse than they did that afternoon. She flinched just out of instinct as the door opened. It was only Susie. She sat on her side of the bed, furthest from the door. She was too tall to rest her head against the headboard which ended at the base of her neck.

"After all that… are you alright?"

Catherine pushed herself up and rested her head against the headboard, being a full head shorter than Susie. She sighed.

"I don't know. The last time I was alright was a long time ago."

"I mean right now, especially. You ain't cold-blooded, I know that."

"Infected, I can handle. It's not a problem. But, when it's people-" She pushed her fingers through her hair, breaking up any knots.

"You did what you had to do." She placed her hand on Catherine's, who didn't respond.

Susie moved closer to her and placed her other hand on her stomach. Her lips pressed against her temple, then her ear, then her neck, just below her jaw. Catherine's eyes shut for just a moment, and as they opened she saw Susie's hand move between her legs.

"What are you doing?" She asked, tired.

"Don't ask stupid questions. You're better than that." She hummed into her ear. She slid her hand under the waistband of Catherine's underwear, making a point of it by moving slowly. It was clear that she thought this would relax her, or at least distract her for the moment, and she was right. Catherine's hips lifted, pressing against her hand. She was wet simply from anticipation. Susie took advantage of this and pressed her fingers into her. Catherine turned and finally connected her lips with Susie's. Her anxieties grew as the blonde climbed on top of her. She somehow preferred it to the feeling of remorse that previously plagued her mind.

Under the sheets, Susie pulled her underwear to her ankles, not bothering to remove it in its entirety. Her member prodded her opening, entering as slowly as she could manage. Letting her feel every centimeter push into her slick, coated entrance. Catherine admitted to herself it  _ had _ been a while, and she didn't realize how much she missed being filled like that. She pressed her palms against Susie's chest, then pushed them over her collar bones and past her shoulders, where they rested on the back of her neck. Susie's hips were flush with her own. Every movement brought her back to that irresistible position, forcing their eyes shut and their lips to each other's skin. All anxiety- all remorse- was gone. All Catherine felt was Susie inside of her, and her nose pressed to her cheek, her breath on her jaw. Then she felt nothing but a bright light, and a vicious clenching within herself, forcing her to mute herself against Susie's shoulder. Her nails dragged across her back and at the final moment, relaxed. Susie's scars on her shoulders were smooth and raised, grounding her to reality as her hands slid over them. Despite that, she still felt good. Even better as Susie lay beside her and pulled her against her chest.

The morning was calm, gentle. What Catherine felt she and her family deserved after recent events. Susie even went so far as to make her breakfast. Pancakes from the wheat harvested at the beginning of August. It was always different from how she  _ remembered _ pancakes. The ones she ate from their own farms were dense and hearty. With bits in them. When she was younger, and her mother made them, they were just water and a mix poured from a box with big red letters on it. Maybe, when food is from a box, it was considered lesser. But, the pancakes her mother made were always the best she had ever had. Light, fluffy, and sprinkled with chocolate chips. She would never knock her girlfriend's cooking, though. Or, lover? Fiance? She watched her wash the dishes as she thought about what Ellie told her.

_ "You should totally marry her." _

She said it in that carefree way children used to be. It gave her hope that some children still got to be that way. She glanced over at Dina from her spot at the kitchen island. She was laying on the couch, hovering a book over her face. Her hair was so long that it touched the floor.

There was a knock at the door. Dina jumped up before Catherine could even turn on her barstool and peaked through the curtains on the door's window. She opened it.

"Hey, Tommy."

"Hey, hun. Are your moms home?"

"Tommy's here!" She hollered.

Catherine got up, seeing as Susie was preoccupied with washing up. She shooed Dina away and grabbed the edge of the door as she leaned on it.

"How're you holding up, Tommy?"

"I'm doing alright, I think. Despite all this. I uh, hate to intrude, but we need you. There were a lot lost yesterday. Bak, and that girl Dinesh was sweet on, Lily. Theresa-"

She jammed her palm into his chest and pushed him backward, stepping forward and slamming the door behind her.

"They do  _ not _ need to be reminded. If you have something to tell me, tell  _ me _ . Not my family."

"You think you're the only one with a family?" He stepped toward her, forcing her against the cold wood of her front door.

"After what happened, I may be." She spit through her teeth, "You need my help? Have some  _ respect _ ."

Without a word, Tommy stepped back, giving her space. He even stepped down the first step on her porch. She tugged at the bottom of her shirt. It had been a long time since they had last gnashed their teeth at each other's throats like that. Tommy looked down.

"Just come with me." He sighed.

They walked silently, being greeted by townsfolk every so often, until they arrived at the armoury. There, they had most of their meetings that didn't require the citizens' input. Tommy opened the door and let her go ahead of him. Ksenija and Maria were there.

"A meeting? Shouldn't Susie be here, then?" Catherine asked, taking a seat at the end of the misshapen wood table.

"I thought it would be good if one of you stayed home with Dina. Just in case." Maria said, smiling all too politely.

"What is this?" Catherine folded her arms and placed them on the table in front of her.

"We need to… prevent what happened yesterday from happening again." Ksenija said.

"By?"

"By hitting back the bandits."

"You help keep the armoury, you  _ know _ how little we have. And we know  _ nothing _ about that group. Their numbers could be in the hundreds for all we know!" Catherine opened her arms as she spoke, gesturing aggressively as she grew frustrated.

"That's where we start." Maria chimed in, "We can send our patrols to map out  _ their _ patrols-"

"What patrols, Maria? The ones in the morgue? Huh?" Catherine suddenly stood up, pushing her chair back with a metallic screech.

"They didn't slaughter the entire town, we had things under control very quickly." Maria bit her tongue as she tried to keep things neutral.

"Is that what you call it? Under control? For fuck's sake," She sighed and splayed her palms on the table, "Tommy, you seemed so keen on rattling off all the names earlier. How many died? I don't even know myself, since we had to run after that Ellie girl."

"12. 12 died." He said, hushed.

"12. Fucking 12. I heard about Lily and Theresa. I found Bak myself." She cast her eyes downward. There was a tense pause before she spoke again, "You should talk to Susan. And the other ex-Fireflies. I'm staying out of this."

"It's your town as much as it's mine and Tommy's." Maria said.

"This isn't my battle anymore." Catherine shook her head and turned to leave the armoury.

"Catherine, please." Maria stood up and followed her out, stopping her on the deck, "We need you now more than ever. You're a  _ damn _ good shot."

"I know." Catherine stepped off the deck and her nose twitched. She didn't indulge in killing. She could barely stomach it. Her eyes snapped shut and she rubbed them, trying to scrub the image of the man on the stairs. The way his body folded in on itself. The blood that spurted out from between his fingers as he desperately tried to save himself. His eyes. How his eyes were burnt into hers.

Catherine sat down on her couch. It was blue and tattered, but good enough, all things considered. The coffee table between the two couches was rough, built by a friend. It had been smoothed gradually in a few spots with time. She leaned back, and clasped her hands over her stomach. There were footsteps on the stairs.

"So? What was that all about?" Susie asked, taking a seat across from Catherine on the second, equally tattered couch.

She didn't answer at first, her mind drifting elsewhere, asking why the other couch was yellow. Why did the furniture match the kitchen so well? She looked back at Susie, who appeared increasingly worried the longer she remained quiet.

"They want to take down the opposing group. They want me at the front of it." She recalled with disdain.

"Shouldn't that be a good thing? After all they've done, they deserve to get hit with a little recoil." She tossed a towel over her shoulder. Catherine saw that her hair was wet, exaggerating the orange tones in what was typically a brassy blonde. She smiled.

"If it were that easy. The armoury's near empty. We would have to go scavenging, and we've cleaned out everything within a ten mile radius. The infected, the bandits. Even the terrain and the wild animals pose a threat to us."

"There's a town, not that far away."

"You're not talking  _ seriously _ , are you?" She leaned forward, her elbows on her knees, "Neither of us should be a part of that, if they even go through with it."

"We need more weapons anyway. Do you really think we can survive longer than a couple years on just that? And that's a best case scenario."

"I  _ don't _ think we can last on what we have, especially with this bandit group. But whatever decision Tommy and Maria make? I'm not a part of it."

"Why not? First time we met, you saved my life. You could save someone else's." She took the towel from her shoulder and scrunched the ends of her hair with it.

"That's not my responsibility! I feed horses for a living! How good I am with a rifle doesn't determine  _ anything _ . I can't close my fucking eyes without seeing everyone I've ever killed."

Susie dropped the towel over her shoulders and blinked, glancing away from Catherine. She couldn't stand seeing her like that. Furious and breaking, so overwhelmed her eyes turned watery.

"I had no idea." Was all she could think of saying. Then she scolded herself for sounding so pathetic.

"I don't want you to treat me like a fucking wine glass." She tried to be as casual as possible with wiping her eye. The teardrop burst and saturated her eyelashes

"I'll be treating you the way I always have."

Catherine nodded, her hands on her knees and back straightened. She took a deep breath and cleared her throat.


	5. Parents

The next morning, Catherine woke up alone. Normally, this wouldn't alarm her, but she suspected Susie may be talking to Maria or Tommy about venturing past the ten mile mark. She couldn't let that happen. And if it did happen, she would have to go with her. She got dressed quickly and looked for Dina. She knocked on her door, getting a sleepy and disgruntled reply. She opened the door.

"Have you seen your mother?"

"Mm, you're right there." She said from under her sheets.

"Yeah, haha, I mean Susan."

"She said she was gonna go see Tommy."

She shut the door, disgruntled.

"Catherine, you look sad." Kotone approached her at the edge of the pasture.

"Hm? Oh, yeah. Not doing so great." She rubbed the back of her neck, watching the horses.

"My mother said that grieving is proof that we loved."

Catherine sighed and leaned forward on the fence, looking downward. Soldier, who stood beside her, lowered his head as well. She scratched his snout.

"Your mother's wise."

"She was."

"Oh, Koto… I'm so sorry." She turned to see the girl hadn't faltered. She appeared calm.

"She died fighting for Jackson. It's what she wanted."

In truth, the statement angered her. _No one_ should have to fight for Jackson, let alone die fighting for it. This town was supposed to be their peace.

"I need to talk to Maria." She climbed into Soldier's saddle and looked at Kotone, "Stay safe, alright?"

She held out a thumbs up and smiled. Her demeanor always warmed Catherine's heart.

Soldier's steel hooves skidded and scraped against the dirt and concrete outside of Maria and Tommy's house. Catherine threw the reins over a recently fixed fence post and was met at the door by Tommy.

"What in the hell are you doing?"

"I need someone to fill me in on the plans."

"I thought it wasn't your battle?" He said, snide.

"It is now."

He sighed, seeing she was serious.

"Well… hell, come on in."

Catherine hadn't been in their house in a long time, just as she hadn't argued with Tommy in a long time. Her eyes ran over the furniture, leather and crippled, then toward the kitchen. A small doorway led from the living room and exposed a sliver of a wooden table, painted teal. He led her that way, and sat opposite of her at the table in a creaking chair. Each chair creaked to different degrees, but Catherine felt as though hers would collapse if she leaned back too far.

"Susie agreed to leave Jackson with a group to search Victor."

"Victor? That's 40 miles- a two day ride." She placed her hand on the table.

"It is. There's nothing else, though. Maria and I are staying here to watch the town; we can watch Dina while you're gone."

"She can really take care of herself now, but I'll have Susie's brother stay on the couch."

"Funk? He'll just eat all your food."

"Maybe Dina will talk him into doing some work." Catherine chuckled.

"Now, are you sure about this? It's a long ride, and Dina-"

"Dina will be just fine if you and Maria are still here."

"And how's she gonna be if you don't come back?"

"I'll come back. It's a matter of whether or not _she's_ here when I do."

"Catherine, you can't pin that attack on us-"

"It was _preventable_."

"It wasn't our goddamn fault!" Tommy slams his fist on the table. It threatened to crack, "I care just as much about this town as you do. And you _know_ that. I know we should've tightened security on the front gate, and I know I shouldn't have taken you from your post. _All_ we can do now is make sure it doesn't happen again."

Catherine sighed and glanced downward, but immediately returned eye contact. She had stared him down before, just the previous day, in fact. But now she had clearly provoked him, struck a raw nerve. Staring into his eyes forced her to back down like a frightened dog.

"When are we leaving?" She asked, feebly.

"In just a few days. Susie basically planned the whole trip, so I'd ask her."

That was a welcomed que for her to leave. She stood up, grateful to be out of the ramshackled dining set, and left without a word. Climbing into Soldier's saddle, she stroked his neck. It was more to soothe herself as opposed to the animal. After a short ride back to Catherine's home, he stood patiently in the grass of her front yard, cluelessly grazing. Stepping through the front door, she saw her daughter and her girlfriend sat on the couch together, Dina once again nose deep in a book, leaning against Susie with her feet up. Susie had a dismantled handgun on the table in front of her.

“You’re getting ready?” She asked, shutting the door, which squeaked over her sentence.

“I’m leaving in two days.”

“I know. I’m going with you.”

Dina threw her book down before Catherine had even finished speaking.

“You can’t both go!”

“You don’t have to go, you know that, right?” Susie asked, her sweet accent reminiscent of Georgia.

“I wanna make sure we have what we need.” Catherine looked down at her hands, fiddling with one of her two silver rings.

“It would be good to have you. We’ll need someone good with horses.”

“Wha- do I have _no_ say in this?” Dina sat upright and glanced between each of her parents with exasperation.

"I'm sorry, kiddo. Maria and Tommy are staying, so if you need anything, go straight to them."

"What if I wanna go with?"

"No." Both Susie and Catherine spoke at the same time.

"Neither of us doubt you. But neither of us wanna risk taking you that far out from Jackson." Catherine said.

She saw it in her eyes. It was too obvious. The disappointment and the disdain.

"We won't coddle you forever, but you have to understand why we don't want to take you into territory _we_ don't even know."

"I saw plenty of it before I met you. I understand."

Catherine sighed, "Good. Good…" She finally gathered some kind of sense to move away from the doorway. Sitting on the couch across from Susie, she focused on the gun parts, displayed elegantly on a white towel. Beside the array was the dirty rag she had used to wipe it down.

"Are you paying attention?" Susie asked, lifting the grip and addressing Dina. Catherine realized it wasn't her girlfriend's gun that had been taken apart, but Dina's.

"Uhm, yeah." She obediently shook herself from the previous topic and watched her mother's hands move precisely, slotting levers back into place.

"Did you get that?"

"Most of it, I think."

"Alright, then it's your turn. Take it apart, put it back together. But stop after the slide. I don't want you losing anything." She joked.

Dina took the gun and pressed the two levers on each side of the barrel, allowing the slide to be completely removed. She held onto it and placed the other half of the weapon on the table. From the slide, she levied out the spring, and the barrel, leaving it empty. Then, she placed all the pieces snuggly back into the slide, and the slide back into the gun.

"Good job." Susie smiled, patting her on the back, "Catherine and I need to talk, we'll be right back."

She was taken outside by Susie, who ran her hand down Soldier's snout.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing?"

"What do you mean?" Catherine crossed her arms, not angrily, but apprehensively. She became anxious quickly.

"Can you handle this trip? I know you're still grieving."

"And you're not?" She took a step back.

"I am. But I'm handling it differently. I _heard_ you last night, you woke me up when you went downstairs. I'm worried and I think it would be safer if you stayed here, with Dina."

"You think I'm gonna fuck this up?" Catherine felt herself growing defensive. It was a throat tightening feeling that she couldn't stomach.

"I think you need time to heal." She stated firmly.

" _Susie_. I can't stay here. In fact, I won't stay here!" Catherine admitted, shaking her head, "I think, if anything, this trip is going to help me. I feel like I can still smell the blood at the gate."

Susie nodded, quietly understanding.

"When you lost your parents, what did you do?"

"What?" The smell of the blood grew stronger as her nose scrunched between her brows. "What does that have to do with this?"

"Nothing. When you got separated in the QZ, what did you do?"

"I tried to find them. Why are you bringing this up?"

"Cause you never did."

"I never did because there's nothing _to_ bring up. I never found them and after a few years, I fled the quarantine zone."

"After ten years?"

"Yeah, after ten years. I never even heard of a man with a congenital deformity in the QZ, I knew they weren't there. That was probably 20 years ago now, I don't need to talk about it." She shoved her hands into her pockets and stared at the ground, acting as if she were checking on Soldier's hooves.

"I know my mother is dead." Susie sighed.

Catherine was taken aback. At no point in time had Susie ever wanted to talk about what happened to her family. The sun shone through a slit in the dark clouds and illuminated the pendant hanging from her throat.

"She died during childbirth."

Catherine looked up at her and Susie didn't quite make eye contact. The subject was sensitive, and so she began minutely adjusting Soldier's tack in a fidgety manner. Catherine let her continue.

"I had a little sister." She said.

"You never told me that."

"Because…" She sighed, "Well, I never really knew her. I never got to see her. Flynn and I got moved to another section of the QZ, then I heard my father went missing, along with my sister." She stared at the ground as she spoke, elbow propped up on Soldier's saddle.

"Is that... when you joined?"

"Yeah, I thought my dad might've joined and got himself sent off somewhere." She flicked her bangs out of her eyes and stared into the distance.

"So that was it? Just you and Funk?" Catherine looked at her, but not her eyes. They never met hers.

"Why do you think I came here with Tommy?"

Catherine nodded. It was all she could bring herself to do, aside from push her hair out of her face.

"None of us really had another choice, did we?"

"No… I trusted Tommy, and I didn't trust myself to make it on my own much longer."

"That's pretty clear, considering you almost got melted by an infected the moment I laid eyes on you."

The both of them chuckled, expelling air through their noses.

"What did you call that thing that was coming after me?" Susie asked, smirking with a quirked brow.

"A bomber."

"It was pretty gross."

"Yeah. I've never seen one outside of a city, though."

There was a small pause between them as Susie thought.

"So, you're sure you can do this?" She asked.

"It'll be good for me."

"And if we run into people?"

"You said you wouldn't treat me differently after what I told you."

"If you can't handle it-"

"I've handled it for 20 fucking years. I'm not breaking now."


	6. Supply Run

The night before they were set to leave, Catherine decided to give the stable a once over. She made sure the horses were fed and watered, and the stable was shoveled. Before leaving, she simply wanted calm. The horses, the smell of the hay, and the chill of the night air offered her that. She huddled in her jacket while stroking a particularly calm tobiano gelding.

"You get me." She said to the horse, who only blinked at her. 

"Are you talking to that horse?"

Catherine turned to the familiar Russian accent behind her. Ksenija stood there, her nose and jaw sharpened by the lantern light. Her eyes, a light blue, appeared orange and grey. She stood with her hands behind her back and a polite smile on her lips.

"Guess I am. How are you?" Catherine said, shoving her hands into her pockets for warmth.

"Anxious." She said carefully. Her eyes turned to the ground as she thought.

"Can't sleep?" She asked, acknowledging the time of night.

"No. I tried. I thought a walk might help. Neither can you?"

"Nah. But, I didn't try." She looked a bit closer at Ksenija, and saw her teeth pressing into her lower lip, "You're here for a reason, aren't you? You came to find me?"

The Russian, standing stiffly in front of her, leaned forward. Catherine's demeanor changed in an instant, confusion and realization plain on her face. Ksenija carefully pressed her lips against hers and her heart must have stopped. She daintily grabbed the sides of Ksenija's jacket as she felt her large, calloused hands on either side of her face. As she pulled away, Catherine pulled her into an empty stall, shutting the door behind them. The horses stamped as they pulled each other to the floor, barely undressed before Ksenija hiked one of Catherine's legs over her shoulder. She lay on her side as her hips were twisted to accommodate Ksenija's wants. The woman straddled her leg and pressed herself against her slit. Catherine shivered at the sensation and grabbed at the hay beneath her. Vulgar sounds emitted from between them, and while Catherine remained quiet, Ksenija groaned low against her calf.

Afterwards, as Catherine buttoned up her shirt and brushed her hair down, Ksenija remained outside of the stall door. She leaned against the post, her hands clasped in front of her.

"Don't tell anyone about this, alright? Word gets around." Catherine said, brushing the remaining bits of hay from her pants.

"I understand." She said, smiling slightly.

"And  _ do not _ think that this is happening again."

"Of course."

Without another word, Catherine pulled her jacket on and hid herself under its hood as she walked home.

The house was dark, of course. She hung her jacket by the door and went upstairs. The bedroom light was on and as she opened the door slowly, she saw Susie reading a book in the lamplight. She looked up at Catherine, closing the book and smiling.

"Hey, you were gone for a while."

"I was checking on the horses." She didn't lie.

"Yeah you were. I can smell the barn on you from here."

"I'll change." She dug around in her dresser for a clean shirt, and changed into that. Susie set her book down as she nestled in bed beside her, admiring her. She wrapped her arms around her and sighed.

"Can you get the light?"

"Ugh, but I'm so comfortable." Begrudgingly, Catherine turned off the lamp.

"It took you an hour to check on the horses?" Susie asked, pulling the blanket up higher.

"It was nice out. I was clearing my mind."

"As long as you ain't avoiding me." She joked.

"Nah, love you too much." She kissed her, briefly thinking of Ksenija. The thought was replaced by Susie's eyes, bright green and glowing in the dark.

Catherine barely had any time to get dressed in the morning before someone was knocking on her door. She rushed down the stairs and pulled it open, more or less disgruntled. Her eyes widened when she saw Ksenija on her front porch.

"Ksenija- uhm, are we leaving?" She sputtered.

"In an hour, yes. I thought I'd let you know. Most of the group has gathered in the dining hall."

Catherine smiled politely, forcefully. The fact that the woman had come to her house, where her family lived, enraged her.

"Thank you for letting me know." She slammed the door, causing Dina to jump from her spot on the couch. Catherine hadn't even noticed her and had never been more grateful in her life that nothing had been said between her and Ksenija.

"The hell was that?"

"Sorry, it's windy out. Caught the door. I'm gonna make something to eat before we leave, do you want anything?"

"Don't worry about me, I'm not going on the week-long trip to Idaho."

"Alright." Catherine smiled.

As she moved around the kitchen, Susie came downstairs with their bags and a guitar on her back. The bags were clearly heavy, but she carried them as if they were empty. The tank top she wore exposed exactly how she managed it. Catherine smirked to herself as Susie approached her.

"You ready for this?" She asked.

"As I'll ever be. Ksenija stopped by and said the rest of the group is waiting at the dining hall. Do you know who else is coming?"

"Dinesh and Isha, Clarice, and Freddie."

"Ugh, Freddie? Really?"

"I know you hate her, but she's a good navigator. And we need people we can depend on, not like."

Catherine squinted, then smiled knowingly.

"That's why I like you."

"Why's that?"

"You get to the point. You're logical. It's grounding."

Susie grinned and leaned over the kitchen island, kissing Catherine.

"I just like you 'cause you're cute."

"Shut up." She snorted.

Catherine rinsed her plate off in the sink shortly after finishing her sandwich. Dina walked over to her before she could even finish drying her hands and threw her arms around her.

"We'll be back before you know it."

"It's a whole week, maybe even longer! You don't have to go."

"I do. I have to go for Jackson. And myself."

"But you can't promise you'll come back." It was a question, in theory. But she knew. Dina knew what it was like outside of the walls. Her heart palpitated.

"No. We don't make promises like that. But, I gotta pretty good feeling that this is gonna turn out alright."

Dina looked up at her mothers, feeling that sickening anxiety bubble in her throat. She nodded.

"We love you, sweetheart. And we're not going on this trip alone. We got plenty of backup." Susie said with that Southern optimism of hers.

"I love you too, both of you."

With a final hug, Catherine and Susie took their bags to the dining hall. The horses were prepared outside, and with the chilling weather, everyone waited inside. Catherine smiled to the group as she set her bag down, her body feeling rigid as she set eyes on Ksenija. As opposed to sitting at the long table with the rest of them, she leaned against the wall near the door. Susie made small talk with the lot of them, which seemed to come easy to her. The weather was her first topic, then she honed in on a conversation with Clarice about her training.

Catherine suddenly tensed as she reached Ksenija, with whom Susie exchanged pleasantries. She tried not to stare, but felt her eyes bore holes into the Russian. Once their eyes met, simply by chance, Ksenija smiled, although nervous. Catherine wasn't sure what face she had met her with, but she acted as if she hadn't been paying them any attention at all. Clearly she wasn't proud of what she did, she wasn't sure if she even enjoyed it in the moment. The idea of doing it again offended her. Susie was beside her in a second.

"Something going on?" She asked, placing a hand on Catherine's shoulder.

"Hm? No."

"I thought you and Ksenija were friends."

"Why wouldn't we be?" She chuckled.

"You were just staring daggers at her."

"Guess I wasn't paying attention."

"Come on. You can't lie to me."

"I'm not lying. A hundred percent honest, nothing's going on."

"Good. Then let's go."

Maria and Tommy waited for them at the gate, ready to open it and bid them a farewell. Catherine shook their hands from atop Soldier, partially expecting that to be the last time she does so. She didn't look back as the gate door squealed shut, and the gate lock slammed downward. Breathing deeply, the cold autumn air had her wondering if they would get back before snowfall. She looked up at Susie who led the group at the front. It was so easy to admire her confidence that it could be forgotten she had a fear of catfish.

The road ahead of them was mostly rubble, covered in fallen trees, grass, and weeds. Despite the pretty, naturalistic scenery, Catherine felt on edge at all times, going so far as to release Soldier's reins just to hold her rifle on her lap. A group of seven, on horses no less, taking a main road- it was obvious. Catherine knew travelling through the woods would do no more than slow them down and make even more noise. So, resigned in herself, she followed the road with the others.

"Moving up." Catherine said, squeezing her hips, urging him forward.

The group moved aside and she trotted to Susie's side.

"I don't like this, ya know." She said discreetly.

"Just keep your eyes on the sightlines. It's only been a few hours, if you're like this the whole trip you might give yourself hypertension." Susie chuckled.

"I'm being serious, Suse. If we aren't careful, we're sitting ducks for an ambush."

"You think I don't know that? We have to keep going, but if you have any shortcuts, any woodland trails we can take, then for the love of God, let me know. Because if a group bigger than ours shows up, we  _ are _ fucked, six ways from Sunday." She managed to keep it all under her breath, but from body language alone, even an idiot could tell what kind of frustrated she was.

"Dinesh, Isha." Susie called the two brothers to the front.

"Yes, ma'am?" Dinesh said from the saddle of his rowdy quarter horse.

"I want you two to scout ahead. Look for paths through the woods."

"Yes, ma'am." Dinesh said. He tightened his ponytail before pushing his horse ahead of the group, Isha beside him.

"I'm sorry." Susie said after a while.

"Don't be. You're right." Catherine smiled fondly.

"Don't mean that yelling at you was right."

"It was more of a harsh whisper."

Susie snorted, "You make it real hard to be serious sometimes."

"Like you said, I don't wanna give myself hypertension."

Ksenija eavesdropped on the conversation from the middle of the group. There was some kind of pang in her chest as she watched them smile at each other, like two dopey teenagers. She had been seeking out some kind of comfort that night. A lonely woman with few friends and no lover to turn to. Finding Catherine in the barn was a chance encounter she figured she should take. The reciprocation wasn't expected, not in the slightest from a woman with a daughter and an obvious future spouse. She wasn't even sure if she felt better afterwards, but she sure as hell felt good during.

"They're gonna catch you staring." Clarice leaned toward her.

"What else is there to stare at?" She hummed in response.

"The trees, the clouds, the little woodland animals,  _ Freddie _ ." She smirked.

"What are you talking about?"

"You just seem to like her a whole lot, that's all." She shrugs.

"We are friends,  _ that's _ all."

"Alright. We'll just have to see about that."

Ksenija was  _ genuinely _ intrigued by what Clarice told her, but kept quiet as she was only a horse length away. She turned slightly, spying Freddie's red curls out of the corner of her eye.

Dinesh and Isha return an hour later, trotting with some foreboding feeling.

"There are deer paths, a few miles up."

_ "They don't go very far. It might be hard to navigate. But they go in the right direction _ . _ " _ Isha signed.

"That's good enough for me." Susie told them, "Let's go."

In some small, damp clearing in the middle of Wyoming's mighty pines, the sun finally fell too low beyond the horizon for them to safely travel. They divide themselves into two groups, making two small fires to avoid creating noticeable smoke. It also gave them some semblance of privacy, given their lack of tents.

Catherine sat beside Susie, across from Dinesh and Isha. At the other fire sat Freddie, Clarice, and Ksenija. Susie held her guitar in her lap and Catherine watched her fingers slide across the strings, buzzing and humming. She strummed with her nails, moving her lips, silently singing along. Catherine recognized the tune as a Willie Nelson song. She smiled, feeling an ease in her anxiety, then immediately feeling drowsy. Having been tense all day, the sudden release weighed down her eyelids. Her eyes fluttered shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh scandal


	7. Psathyrella Aquatica and Victor

_ "Two moving in the back." _

_ "There's even more out front." Catherine said, exasperated. _

_ Then, there were gunshots from downstairs. Catherine took her pistol from its holster and ran to the top of the stairs. A man was halfway up them and would have killed her if she hadn't left her safety off. She hit him in the throat. She looked him in the eyes as his mouth gaped open, things leaching out of it. It first dripped with blood as he fell forward. Then fungus clomb out of it, frilling outward like a diseased flower. He screeched as his jaw popped from the rest of his skull, only making room for more layers of pilei. She fired again, out of sheer panic. Again, and again, but they did nothing. The beast growing heinously outward, consuming its human host, absorbed the metal projectiles. It heaved itself up the stairs, crushing each one under the grip of its clawed, mutated hands. It screamed, it screeched, it begged. _

Catherine jumped as she woke up. Her eyes stared upward at the stars spattering the sky. The screeching continued. Breathing heavily, she shot up and grabbed her pistol. The horses stomped the ground, snorting. She turned on her flashlight and scanned the area, then shook Susie awake.

"Hm?"

"Infected. Runners."

" _ Shit. _ " She grabbed her gun and listened.

The infected were encroaching, and closed throat screams of aggression came from behind them. Catherine turned and was met with the gnashing jaws of a sick man, just behind Susie. She grabbed her by the shoulder and pushed her down, pointing the pistol at the runner. It lunged at them and Catherine fired, blasting a hole through its head and alerting the rest of the group. There was a small cacophony of guns being cocked alongside the concurrent howls of the enclosing ambush. Catherine touched Susie's face briefly, checking if she was okay. Aside from the light spray of blood spattered on her cheek, she was alright. Catherine grabbed her by the wrist and led her toward the middle of the camp, eyes flashing from tree gap to tree gap. Figures dashed past them, stalkers.

"They're surrounding us." Ksenija said.

"Yeah? No shit, huh?" Clarice huffed, pressing the butt of her shotgun to her shoulder, and firing at the first sight of movement.

Catherine felt some relief hearing the strangled yells and a body falling to the ground. Runners came out of the woods like rats from woodwork and she fired at them, pistol in one hand and a flashlight in the other. The fires had long gone out, leaving them blind. She could feel Susie behind her from the warmth of her body. No one was hurt, no horses were lost, but people were frightened, and their camp was now scattered with rotting fungal pods. Catherine sighed, looking up at the moon, then turning to look at Susie. Her chest had been well soaked with the blood of a stalker. It looked black in the moonlight.

"Now what?" Catherine asked softly.

"We move. If the map is right, there should be a lake nearby. We can clean up there." Susie exhaled shaky breaths. She wiped her face, smearing blood across her cheek and arm.

"Is everyone okay? No one's bit?" Catherine looked around, and everyone nodded at her.

They began saddling the horses, all of which remained untouched.

"You think that's weird?" Catherine asked Susie.

"What?"

"They ignored the horses completely. Like… like they prefer people."

"I don't wanna think about that."

"No… neither do I."

A half an hour away from their camp was a lake, shimmering under the stars. There was an old, wooden boat on the shore, nearly battered in half by the weather. They used it to make another fire, just one that time, since they already drew plenty of attention with their gunfire. Catherine had packed some rags for this very situation and removed them from her saddlebag. She knelt at the edge of the lake in front of Susie, a ways from camp. Laying the cloth on her lap, she slides Susie's shirt over her head.

"You don't have to do this."

"It'll be easier if you let me." Catherine says, wetting the rag in the water.

She began wiping her chest, following the brush stroke of blood over her shoulder, stopping occasionally to rinse the rag. As she wiped her mouth, then her cheek, Susie took hold of her wrist. She stared intently. Catherine's lips fell open slightly, as if to speak. After tense hesitation, Susie leaned forward and kissed her, knocking her back. She dropped the rag in an instant, exhaling as Susie rushed to unbutton her shirt.

"We really shouldn't." Catherine said between breaths.

"You'll be thinking about it all night now if we don't." She leaned back and searched Catherine's eyes for any resistance, and found nothing in her heavy lidded, dilated pupils, but feral urges.

"God  _ damn _ you." She laughed.

Catherine was the first to wake up, as she usually was. From the ground softened with leaves and a thin bedroll, she looked up at Susie, sound asleep, but eyebrows furrowed. Catherine thought, she must have been remembering last night. Susie was never one to let stress get to her, but she seemed to be on edge, aggressive. She assumed responsibility over the group in an instant, making them her charges. Catherine found it a somewhat unhealthy weight to carry.

After pondering her lover's subconscious expressions, she took her fishing rod from Soldier's saddle, which rested on its side in the dirt. The frilly, shimmery lure she had tied would make up for the lack of bait, hopefully. The lake could be desolate of fish anyway. Standing barefoot in the water, she fiddles with a little metal weight near the lure, trying to get it to stay in place. She had heard a long time ago, from someone she didn't know and never got to know, that naming your lure after someone who treasures you will catch you a fish. Or, something like that.

"Well, alright, Suse. Catch me a fish." She pulls her arm back and flicks the pole forward, sending the lure into the water. The first cast never brought anything back, but to her surprise, something tugged on the line. She began reeling it in, but the line didn't budge. It was caught on something, an unfortunate event. She gave it a few tugs, trying to release it from whatever bit of muck it stuck to, but realized it didn't feel familiar at all. From all her years of fishing, she knew what a rock or a hunk of aquatic plants felt like. This wasn't it. The line kept sagging and tightening like the thing she hooked was moving. Panicking, she took her knife from her pocket and snipped the line. The water stirred and she stepped out of it, making for Clarice's shotgun. She shook her awake, so someone could witness just what was going on.

"Good morning to you too." She grumbled, but switched gears as she saw the gun in Catherine's hands.

" _ Something _ is in the water."

"What do you mean _something?_ Infected don't go in the water."

"I'd hate to see what it is, then."

Catherine walked back to the water and whistled shrilly, confusing the horses, but waking everyone up. She aimed the gun at the water as something truly monstrous broke the surface tension. Maybe it was humanoid at one point, but now it was coated in sludge, long tendrils, once suspended in water, dragging behind it. It gurgled, gnashing rotted gums at them as it burped up its own insides mixed with the lake water. The aroma could only be described as stomach bile and musk, like a dank basement filled with bodily fluids. Catherine stepped back, lowering the weapon in amazement. The group behind her looked on in fear and disgust.

"Shoot the damn thing!" Freddie hollered.

Catherine lifted the shotgun once more and emptied one of the barrels into its chest. It crumpled at the shore, just feet in front of her. She walked up to it and jabbed it with the barrel. It made a distinct squelching sound and she covered her mouth and nose with her arm, gagging. She had never seen anything like it.

"Is it dead?" Susie was beside her, inadvertently pushing Catherine behind her and away from the bloated infected.

"I think so. I  _ hope _ so. How does this even happen?"

"Ain't gotta clue. Not sure if I want one."

They gathered around it as children may gather around roadkill. Freddie, an artist in her free time, seemed to be memorizing its grotesque details for a later sketch.

"I suppose it's safe to say we skip the sushi." She suggested.

That next day was uneventful, ignoring the morning's events. Freddie had her journal in her lap as her horse stuck close to the group on its own. The sound of her pencil scratching across the paper was about the only sound they heard. Aside from the birds, and the horses hooves. They no longer travelled within the forest, but along the highway, birch forests and pine coated mountains surrounding them for miles. Except for straight ahead, as they began passing buildings and signs labelling old hiking trails. The town was smaller than Jackson, made up of a single neighbourhood and whatever little businesses could thrive in that environment. Catherine perked up, spying that town.

"You think anyone's still there?" Catherine asked.

"After 20 years? Maybe. The place is so small, there could be a community." Susie pondered.

"With no walls?" Freddie asked.

"Just keep an eye out."

At the edge of Victor, they were met with a brewery and a hotel that never got past construction. Each building they rode past had the feel of a historic town, like out of some kind of western. Riding into Victor on horses felt comedically fitting. They came upon a large intersection which appeared to be the center of town.

"We'll split up here to cover more ground. Catherine and I will go left, while Dinesh, Isha, and Clarice go straight. Freddie and Ksenija will go right. Sound good?" Susie announced.

Everyone nodded, then split off. On the corner was a grocery store, surely filled with nothing but long rotted food and expired canned goods.  _ But _ , it was always worth a shot. Susie and Catherine left their horses around back and checked each door, all of which were locked.

"Alright. Help me pull this down." Susie grabbed the edge of some plywood, which boarded the windows.

"Nah, I wanna see if you can do it yourself." Catherine snorted.

"Seriously?"

"Have you  _ seen _ your arms? You could probably punch through that."

Susie, still holding onto the plywood, hung her head as she laughed.

"Just grab the edge, alright?" She smiled.

Catherine rolled her eyes and wrapped her hands around the edge of the board. At the count of three, they heaved the plywood away from the window fairly effortlessly.

"You wanna break the window?" Catherine asked.

"Yeah, unless you have another idea."

Catherine didn't say anything. She stepped back and took her pistol from her hip. Susie did the same and flipped it, catching the barrel and ramming the butt into the window, shattering it. Catherine huffed, the corners of her mouth twitching upward. No sound came afterward, no screeching, or running, or gunfire. Susie brushed the glass away and hopped through, Catherine close behind. The aisles were desolate and dusty. Very dusty.

"Spores." Catherine said, quickly grabbing her mask from her bag.

"It doesn't look like there's anything over here." Freddie said, shifting around in her saddle.

"There is the school." Ksenija said, motioning to their left.

"It's an elementary school, though. What would be in it?"

"Susan said to search thoroughly. So, we do." Ksenija led her horse to the school and hooked the reins around the flagless flagpole. Trying the front door ruled pointless.

"Looks like we'll have to get creative."

"Check this out." Freddie smirked and crouched beside her, taking something from her pocket and sliding it into the lock. Ksenija stepped aside and watched as she jimmied it open.

"I'd say that's creative." Ksenija said, eyebrows raised.

"So would I." She holds the door open and follows Ksenija inside.

The place was desolate, crumbling. But still managed to give Ksenija some nostalgia. 40 years ago she remembered being completely oblivious to what tragedies would befall the world. She did nothing but colour in pictures of Lisa Frank lions and do her best to learn English with the rest of the kids. Eventually she grew up, leaned toward going into law enforcement, then it hit. Outbreak day almost got her killed, being a young rookie with little to offer. The elementary school hall was filled with chairs and desks, blocking some rooms. The outer barricades had her wondering what could have been inside. Ksenija entered the first room which wasn't barricaded and was hit with a smell- or, an odor, of must. She closed the door immediately and put on her mask, motioning for Freddie to do the same.

Clarice was scratching the neck of her horse as she spotted it. The front of the store was beaten to hell, remnants of a kneehigh fence fallen in the tall grass and a wooden, blue canoe sitting on the wooden walkway to it. But the barely surviving sign, peeled paint and all, read "Victor's Outside Firsts." An odd name, but obviously a sporting goods store. They left the horses at the side, untied, and Dinesh tried the front door. The knob turned, but something blocked it. He pushed it, then shoved his body into it. It gave, but not without a loud crash. Clarice looked over her shoulder, listening hard for infected. She walked into the store, relieved after not hearing anything. What was blocking the door was a wooden shelf which had clothes in the shelves. Each one had been eaten through by moths. She tossed them aside and walked toward the back of the store. Dinesh and Isha were side by side, shuffling through things on shelves, mostly empty ammo boxes and decades old granola.

_ "There's nothing here." _ Isha sighed.

"You never know, little brother. Go help Clarice, I'll keep looking here." Dinesh smiled, always an optimist.

_ "I don't think she needs help." _

"She  _ does _ . Go ask her." Dinesh pushes him by the shoulder, some kind of stupid grin on his face.

Clarice was pulling away debris to get into a back room.

_ "Need some help?" _

"Hey, Ish. Yeah, help me clear this door."

He grabbed the towering wooden shelf by the edge and began pushing, acknowledging that it was easier as soon as Clarice jumped in. It scraped along, marking lines in the dirty floor. The door behind it was unlocked, but musty.

"Wait here, alright?" Clarice said, strapping her mask over her brown hair.

_ "You could use some backup?" _ Isha suggested.

"Sure. Stick close." She hesitated to agree, since Isha was fairly young and she was sure that if anything happened to him, Dinesh would kill her.

The grocery store was overgrown. Catherine looked closely at the mounds of fungus growing up the walls. It consumed entire shelves. The pods hissed spores into the air. With all of this fungus, there had to be infected.

Susie tapped her shoulder suddenly and held her finger up in front of her mask. Two figures stumbled from the back of the grocery store toward them, frilled faces emitting clicks. Catherine went for her gun, ultimately deciding against it. She wondered why they didn't come running when the glass broke. Knife in hand, she tiptoed around the aisle and rounded the corner. Now behind the clicker, all she had to do was hold her breath and walk light. As she lunged to grab the creature, a spore pod from the mound beside her burst. She fell backward as the clicker spun around, shrieking and blindly grabbing at her. Catherine was suddenly pinned beneath it. It gnashed its teeth so voraciously that they threatened to crack. Her forearm held it back by the throat, just barely, until its head suddenly snapped to the right and its body fell limp on top of her. Susie kicked the corpse off of her and held out her hand. After being heaved off of the ground, she slung her arms around her.

"I love you  _ so _ much." Catherine panted, adrenaline refusing to drain from her.

"For not letting you get eaten alive?"

"Uh-huh."

"The bar's getting pretty low." Susie chuckled.

Freddie fussed with her curls under the straps of her gas mask. The classrooms were empty, not even the picture books in their plastic bins survived the years too well. She sighed as Ksenija finished peeking under the teacher's desk and rooting through their drawers.

"I don't think we're gonna find anything in here."

"We look for the nurse's office, maybe? Check the gym and cafeteria after?"

"Sounds good to me."

Ksenija swung the rifle from her shoulder into her hands at the sound of something crying in the room beside them. She looked at Freddie, baffled. At first, she thought it may be a cat. That's a lie. That was her second thought, which made more sense than the first, which was that it sounded like a child. A door in the back of the room connected the two classrooms. She approached it slowly and pulled back the curtain to glance through the window. It was piled high with chairs, but through the legs she laid eyes upon a scene that kicked her in the stomach. There were ancient bodies on the ground, embraced by disgusting piles of mold and other rot. But in the center of the typical grime sat children. She had never seen anything like it. They were  _ smiling _ , but from their eyes sprouted the typical frills of clickers. From their bodies grew shelves of mushrooms and spore pods. She pulled away from the door and leaned against the old heater installed in the wall. Hands on her knees, she began feeling sick. Freddie approached with hesitation.

"No," Ksenija grabbed her arm before she got to the door, "Don't. Don't look."

"What is it?" She dared.

"I'll tell you later. Let's move on."

If Isha said he planned on firing his gun, he would be lying. The stalkers came out of nowhere, bursting from the walls and spraying spores into the air. He wasn't great with a gun, not nearly as good as his brother. It was nearly detrimental. He emptied the pistol into each stalker, but managed to clip Clarice in the side. The bullet carved out a piece of her, and he thought he heard it hit her rib. Dinesh ran in there, his face bare, and heaved her arm over his shoulder. She pulled her mask off outside, using the last of her strength to hit Dinesh in the chest.

"Where's your damn mask?!" She growled.

"I held my breath, I'll be alright."

"That ain't how it works, you idiot. You're both a couple of goddamn idiots. Shooting me in the damn ribs, breathing in spores. Son of a  _ bitch. _ " She grabbed onto the horn of her horse's saddle and struggled greatly to lift herself into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone's read this far thank u i love u


	8. The Church

"What the hell?" Catherine tore away from Susie and squinted in the direction of the gunfire.

"Must be Isha." She sighed.

"I know he's trigger happy, but he doesn't fire at nothing. Come on."

"Really?"

Catherine hopped back out of the window and grabbed Soldier's reins, handling him aggressively. She climbed into the saddle and pushed him to a ground scraping gallop. He hissed once they came upon Clarice's group. Catherine saw her side, drenched in blood.

"Clarice,  _ Clarice _ ." She nearly fell as she clambered off of her horse and rushed to her side, "Let me see."

Clarice grimaced as Catherine lifted her shirt. The blood pulsing out, it was like a chunk of her was blown off by the pistol. She wasn't sure who let Isha have a pistol of that caliber, but she decided at once it was a horrible idea.

"Let's get her somewhere safe."

"I think I saw a church, we could try that?" Dinesh suggested.

"Works for me. Hang in there."

"Ain't gotta choice." She sighs.

Catherine took a loose flannel she had in her bag and pressed it against the wound.

"Hold this on it. Hold it as tight as you can."

Clarice began coughing, gagging as she held the shirt in place. Catherine got on Soldier and led Clarice's horse behind her, letting her focus on holding her wound. She saw Ksenija's horse tied to the flagpole of the elementary school as they passed, just beside Freddie's. The church was fairly boarded up, but Susie made quick work of it, pushing the door open just long enough for them all to get inside. The pews were too thin to lay her on, and barely wide enough to sit on. Luckily, there were benches at the end of the aisle, cushioned and everything, just behind the preacher's podium. She set Clarice on her side and swiped her forehead with her sleeve. She then felt it with the back of her hand.

"You're gonna be alright." Catherine said confidently.

"My goddamn rib's broken."

"A broken rib's never killed anyone."

"Dinesh- he-" Her breaths became laboured.

"Easy. Talk slow."

"Dinesh… might be… infected." 

Catherine looked up at Susie, who hovered over her, then at Dinesh.

"It's not true. I'm not. I-"

"Dinesh. Tell us what happened." Catherine's voice shook slightly.

"We were looking around a store and the room in the back had infected in it. When I heard the gunshots I ran in to help, but I held my breath, so I didn't breathe anything in." He began speaking less to Catherine, and more to Isha, to comfort him.

"There were spores?" Catherine asked.

"Yeah, but I-"

"There were spores and you weren't wearing a mask?"

"I didn't breathe any!"

"Susie, watch him, please." Catherine began digging in her bag for her water bottle, and used it to wet a cloth.

"I don't need a babysitter." Dinesh said, as defiant as someone who needed a babysitter.

Susie towered over him, placing herself between him and Catherine.

"Sit down." She ordered, her voice low and gruff. He fumbled in his steps as she backed him into a pew.

"Wouldn't I be coughing? Wouldn't my arms be veiny? Come on, I'm  _ not _ infected!" 

Catherine washed away the blood, or as much as she could, and took a deep breath. She faltered entirely as she saw the black veins stretching from the wound.

"What? What's happening?" Clarice wheezed.

Catherine placed her hand on her chest.

"Breathe in."

She did as she asked, and she couldn't even get through a single, ragged breath before coughing.

" _ You're _ infected…" Catherine whispered.

"What? No. No, I ain't."

"If there were spores, and they got into your bloodstream… I'm sorry, Clarice."

"Take this." Clarice suddenly rolled onto her back and pulled a card from her pocket. It read 'Gun Sporting.'

"I found it in that god forsaken store. The address is only a couple hours from here. Maybe it's a long shot, but it's better than a school or a damn grocery store." She laughed briefly before being sent into a coughing fit.

"You're amazing, Clarice." Catherine took her hand.

"Nah, I'm just dying." She smiled.

Catherine could see the tears in her eyes. She faced death bravely, with fear.

"I want Susie to do it." She took her gun from her holster, a rarely used, small caliber pistol, and handed it to Catherine.

"Right." She exhaled. Her eyes were blurry and she could barely breathe herself as she stood up.

"Susie." She called her over, and Susie saw the black veins reaching over Clarice's abdomen, "She wants you to do it."

Susie takes the gun she's offered without a word and kneels beside Clarice.

"You two. Wait outside." Catherine said, choking something back. Whether it was tears or vomit, she couldn't tell.

As they left, squeezing past the church organ that blocked the door, Catherine stood back. Just a few feet away from Susie and Clarice.

"Clarice, you are one of the bravest women I know." Susie held her breath as she thought of the right thing to say.

"Hey, let me tell you something." She said, smiling the whole time, even as her mind began going foggy, "I don't need you to give me a speech." She took Susie's hand. "I'll miss you, sweetheart."

"Yeah, I'll miss you too." She squeezed her hand once before pulling the trigger.

Clarice let go.

Ksenija controlled her breathing to the best of her ability. As they walked down the hall, hearing more crying and crackled laughter, they wanted to get out as soon as possible. Ksenija saw a sign for the nurses office and went straight for it. The door wouldn't budge,  _ of course it wouldn't _ . Frustrated, and quite frankly letting the anxiety get to her, she stepped back and rammed her foot into the door. The lock was fairly weak and gave way. Freddie jumped, not expecting it.

"Jesus!"

"What? It's open." Ksenija entered first, quickly checking her corners before letting Freddie follow. But she didn't.

"What is it?"

"Look…"

She did, stepping out of the nurse's office. The barricades began shaking, and soon after, they heard shooting. From down the block, it sounded like 10 or 12 shots, an entire magazine. The infected in the school began shrieking. Ksenija bit her lip and went back into the office.

"We need to  _ get out of here!" _ Freddie hissed.

"And we still need whatever is in here. Help me look and we get out faster."

The filing cabinets were filled with inhalers, tongue depressors, and other things that were either expired or utterly useless. Any medication they found was useless, but the splints and braces they found in a cabinet could be useful to Jackson.

"This is it?"

"I'm sure we'll find more elsewhere."

"We better." Freddie heaved her backpack over her shoulders and made to leave, but a thunderous crash came from down the hall. Chair legs screeched and running footsteps tapped toward them. She looked around the corner and immediately shut the door, putting her back against it.

"What the  _ fuck _ are those?!"

"They were kids. Ahh,  _ pizdets _ . Move." Ksenija pushed the cabinet they had finished clearing out in front of the door, and again with the heavy wooden desk. Something suddenly hit the door.

"You see a way out of here?" Freddie scanned the small room.

"Just that window." The window was barely big enough to fit Freddie through, let alone her.

Freddie climbed onto a bookshelf and opened it, tossing her bag through first.

"We need a plan, right?"

"That would be preferred, yes." Ksenija leaned against the desk barricade and was jolted forward by the infected ramming into it. She reminded herself that's all they were, infected.

"Wait, how about that vent?" She points upward to a metal vent with a loose covering, definitely wide enough for Ksenija.

"That could work. I'll meet you outside."

"You better." Freddie slid out of the window and landed on her feet behind a wall of shrubs. She grabbed her bag and stepped through them.

Ksenija abandoned the barricade and pushed the same shelf Freddie had climbed on under the vent. With a single tug, she pulled it from its rusted screws. She watched the door budge slightly and hands began reaching around the cabinet. She lifted herself into the vent, kicking the shelf onto its side as she did so.

Freddie saw the horses outside of the church, but couldn't get through the front door no matter how hard she pushed. Cursing her small arms, she moved to the sides. It appeared there was a back door, also locked. She picked it and squeezed through, then locked it behind her. She switched on the flashlight clipped to her backpack's strap and looked around. It seemed totally desolate, and there were stairs leading up. She took them slowly and found herself in front of a massive stained glass window. A spiral of colours, and a sacred heart at the center. She turned and looked over the rail at the rows of pews, and the organ that blocked her original entrance. She squeaked as there was a sudden gunshot. Just one. She checked herself over although she hadn't felt anything. Then there was a thud, then silence.

Catherine flinched at the gunshot, then felt her legs crumple. She hit her back against the wooden lectern and felt her breaths getting away from her. Her vision darkened at the edges while her ears began to ring. She could barely acknowledge that Susie was grabbing her arm, trying to look into her eyes.

"Catherine? Can you hear me? Catherine?" Susie grabbed the sides of her face and held it up, trying to see her pupils in what little light there was in that church. The problem was that she couldn't see her pupils, or her irises. Then her eyes snapped shut. She wasn't sure what had just happened. Having never seen anyone act like this before, she laid her down and situated Catherine's head in her lap. She had completely shut down.

"Is- is she dead?"

Susie lifted Clarice's gun instantly, aiming it at Freddie. She relaxed slightly upon seeing her, and put the gun down with a clunk.

"No… no, she just passed out." She swallowed, "But, Clarice…"

"What happened?" Freddie asked, approaching Clarice on the bench.

"She got infected."

Freddie could hear in her voice how tired she was. It was low and gravelly, she barely sounded like herself.

"You shot her?"

"She asked me to."

Ksenija found herself above a classroom, totally empty. Using her pocket knife to get the screws loose, she pulled the cover aside and dropped down, legs first. She barely had enough time to regain her balance before her leg was knocked out from under her. From under a desk, one of the small infected had charged her. She only managed to stop it from biting her by kicking aggressively, trying to shake it from her. Pocket knife still in hand, she rams it into its skull and finally shakes it off. It lay limp on the ground. Near hyperventilating, she scrambled backward and lay back, staring up at the ceiling. She only sat up as she felt the urge to vomit, and she grabbed the leg of a desk as she did so. Looking at the child again, she found it far more grotesque than before. Its eyes were barely visible through a bulbous growth of fungus, and its clothes were melded to its body. Ksenija had to look closer to retrieve her knife, and realized the infection couldn't have been older than _10_ _years_ , let alone 20. There _must_ have been a community there. Maybe just after Outbreak Day the town, isolated from the cities, just tried their best to keep things normal. It seemed to work, for a while.

Ksenija slid the classroom's window open and stepped over it, finding herself in the playground. Much like everything else, it was covered in rust, and plants grew in and around it. She hopped the fence with ease, and hearing a gunshot from the church, she began running toward it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a lot of scene hopping in this chapter (which I hope worked) cause I love that kind of story telling when groups split up


	9. Gun Sporting

Catherine suddenly waved away the hands that held her face and sat up. She held her head in her hands as it spun, nothing in the room focusing.

"Catherine? Are you okay?" She heard Susie ask.

"I just- need to get some air." She stood with effort and made her way down the aisle, legs feeling heavy. When she got outside, she saw Dinesh and Isha.

"Go back to Jackson." She told them.

"What?" Dinesh approached her.

"The both of you. Go back to Jackson, and tell Maria and Tommy what you did."

"We didn't  _ do _ anything."

"Yes, you fucking  _ did. _ Think about what's in that church. For one goddamn second, use your head!" Her voice raised, her head spun.

"It was an accident. Isha never meant-"

"Then it's fucking manslaughter! What that fucking idiot did- what  _ you _ did, it got Clarice killed. Go back to Jackson, tell them what happened." Every word came out with malice, strained with her attempts to restrain herself.

"We'll be exiled!" Dinesh said, stepping between them.

" _ Good. _ "

"Catherine? What are you doing?" Susie took her by the arm, just with her fingertips.

"What's right. We can't travel with them after this. You know the rules."

"You think they can make it back on their own?"

"Why should I give a shit? You just had to shoot our fucking friend in the fucking head! We haven't even been here for two hours and someone is fucking dead and it is  _ his fault!" _ Breathing heavily, she backs away from the group and climbs into Soldier's saddle. Susie knew better than to follow her, watching her ride down the road, Soldier's hooves kicking up dust and dirt.

"Go back to Jackson."

"You too?" Dinesh asked, exasperated.

"Just go." She watched them get on their horses.

_ "I'm sorry." _ Isha signed, tears welling up in his eyes.

_ "I know." _ She signed back.

"Hey! Where are they going?" Ksenija jogged to her side, panting.

"Back to Jackson." Susie said, arms crossed, somewhat forlorn.

"Why?"

"Clarice…" She sighed, "Isha accidentally shot Clarice and," she rubbed her face, then the back of her neck, "And she got infected."

Ksenija remained silent, only staring at Susie in shock.

"She's dead?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry." She touched her arm.

"Ksenija!" Freddie squeezed between the organ and the door and ran up to her, quite literally. Trying to process how she felt as the small redhead threw her arms around her was as difficult as learning how to speak. Not a single word, English or Russian, came to her mind. She placed a hand on her back, reciprocating in a way she could manage. Susie only blinked at the scene, whatever was running through her head was concealed by a neutral expression.

Catherine looked down at the card in her hand. "Gun Sporting" was in a familiar, yellow font, inside of a brown circle. The address was just a list of numbers, followed by Driggs, ID. She broke the edge of town, halting to look at the decrepit houses that peppered the outskirts. Soldier whinnied as she turned in the saddle to look back at Victor. She urged him forward.

Susie found a shovel in the backroom of the church and tortured herself for several hours, digging a hole in the church's garden. The chill of Idaho's fall, quickly turning winter, froze her solid and by the end of it, she could barely grip the shovel's wooden handle. Her nose, bright red, ran incessantly and she was sure her ears would fall off. The ground was partially frozen and digging six feet down would probably render her arms useless for a day. Freddie had already asked her to come inside and take a break twice. The first time, she even offered to help. The second time, she offered her something to drink. The grave was dug before she could ask a third time, which she most surely would have.

Susie breathed deeply before she lifted Clarice's body from its bloodied spot on the cushioned bench. She wasn't sure if she would clean it. She wasn't sure if there was a point  _ to _ cleaning it. They would leave soon. There was a heavy guilt in her stomach that she wasn't being buried in Jackson. She dropped into the grave and gently lowered Clarice to the ground. Then, after climbing out, she began carving into the dirt pile. The sun had set before it dawned on her that Catherine hadn't returned. She knew her well, because she had let her. She also knew that when she needed space, she  _ always _ came back within a few hours. Staring down at the fresh grave in front of her, she wondered if that applied.

Catherine saw the sun threatening to vanish beyond the horizon as she arrived at the address. It wasn't in town like she thought it would be, but in someone's yard. She listened hard for anyone or anything before turning down the wide dirt driveway. She paid keen attention to Soldier's ears, which were relaxed and pointing outward. Daylight was limited, so her plan was to get in and out as fast as possible. Although, it wasn't much of a plan, just a hope.

Catherine opened the door with little effort. The wood had been warped overtime, making it stick. The inside felt a bit like a log cabin converted to a store. There were displays, oddly untouched, full of fishing lures and sunglasses and license plate keychains with names on them. A bit of humour quirked her mouth when she spied one with Susie's name on it. She pocketed it after a moment's thought. Then, she was led to the back of the store, where an unbelievable gun display was situated. She hopped the counter and looked up and down the case. Assault rifles, hunting rifles, rifles that she could only  _ assume _ were rifles because the barrels were long, and then  _ shotguns _ . A few of them. The guns were great, amazing even, but if she couldn't find the ammo, they were a little less than useless. She looked through the cabinets under the display case. Empty.

"Alright, then where the hell is it?" She hummed to herself.

Susie couldn't very well warm herself in that church. She sat in a pew, arms crossed on the back of another. She thought of praying, but for what, she didn't know. She stared at the glass sacred heart with her head shrunk back into her jacket. It had been a long, long time since she had felt lonely. She wondered if Catherine would even come back.

Ksenija and Freddie were upstairs together, speaking softly between them. It wasn't exactly something Susie expected. Ksenija was much older than Freddie, and seemed like she had long decided to isolate herself from others. She wasn't one for conversation, or parties, or even meetings between Maria, Tommy, and Susie. Freddie, quite frankly, seemed to be her polar opposite. An expert in conversation. Although, people would be quick to call her a weasel, as opposed to an expert. Thinking about the odd pair did nothing to stop her mind from drifting back to Catherine. Desperately, she wanted to know where she was.

Catherine remained ducked behind the counter as she heard voices.  _ Of course _ there were other people. This many guns had to have belonged to someone.

"We saw your horse! Come on out." A man, gruff, said.

She heard three sets of footsteps. Outnumbered and outgunned, she wondered if it would've been a good idea to just show herself. It was that, or kill them.

"I'm just passing through!" She said, possibly regretfully.

"You trying to steal our guns?" The same man asked, approaching the counter.

"I was looking for ammo, actually. Didn't get that far."

"We can trade, if you got anything."

Catherine heard genuine sentiment in that statement. Slowly, with her hands raised, she stood up. There was a man on her right, a woman at her front, and a teenage boy to her left. She wasn't suddenly glad she didn't open fire on them because that kid had a gun trained on her like a soldier. Stiffening, she turned her eyes to the man.

"I don't have much in the way of things." She said carefully.

"Then you best get a move on." He said.

"Well, she's got herself." The woman suggested.

Catherine's fingers twitched as she felt urged to draw her gun.

"Whaddya say?" The man asked, as if the woman offered she gave them something as ordinary as her jacket.

"For how much?" Catherine raised a brow, trying to gauge how much ammo they had, or were willing to just give away.

"Five boxes."

"Interesting offer." She smiled, "But I'll pass."

"How about seven boxes?" The woman lowered her gun, and the others followed, giving her a  _ great _ window of opportunity. She placed her hands on the counter and bent her elbows.

"What a bargain you drive." Catherine smiled once more, "But I would rather get going."

"We tried to be nice." She said, beginning to raise her gun.

Catherine drew her pistol faster than them and landed a bullet in the woman's stomach. She dropped behind the counter once more before the man and child could do the same to her. Their shots shattered the display case, which ironically wasn't bullet proof. She moved to the end of the counter and leaned around it, just barely seeing the man's ankle peeking out from around a wooden post. She shot it, knocking him onto his knees and exposing the rest of him. She fired, and hit him in the throat. Footsteps ran toward her and she filled her lungs with air. She had a rifle shoved clumsily against her arm. The kid fired and her hand clenched around her pistol in sudden, intense pain, making her fire. She shot him, point blank. He died instantly, head being slammed against the wall behind him. The blood sprayed the right side of her face. She lunges over the counter and runs outside, scanning the house and the surrounding dead plains for anyone else. It was utterly silent, and her arm began to truly burn. Soldier stamped at the ground to her left, and the sound of crickets became mockingly apparent. The sun was nearly gone and the temperature dropped. With what light she had left she stripped her jacket from her right arm and exhaled, shakily. Soldier snorted at the sight of her arm bleeding almost profusely. She grabs his reins and takes him to the house across the way, jacket hanging from her left shoulder, stumbling on the occasion. Soldier pushed his snout against her chest, making sure she was alright, which she surely wasn't. After scratching his neck and rubbing his snout for some time, she went inside. It was a large house matching the log cabin aesthetic of the store. It was clean, and filled with things that came from the plains, like pronghorn antlers and pelts. It smelled of fresh bread, which she found in the kitchen and ate a chunk of, realizing how hungry she was.

Wandering down the hall, she found their bedrooms. They were nothing unique, mostly wood and red, vaguely native patterned blankets. Then she found a room locked. She shook the knob a few times and began her search for the key. Hilariously, they sat in a dish on the kitchen counter. She unlocked the door and nearly cried. While most of the room was filled with animal by products, there was a shelf  _ lined _ with boxes of ammo.

"Oh, Clarice, if you could see this." She beamed.

Wincing and grunting, she removed her backpack and filled it to the brim with boxes to the point that it could barely zip shut. Nearby duffle bags would prove useful, as well as a first aid kit that felt like heaven in her hands. She scrubbed the wound clean with an unfortunately dry cloth, then wrapped it tightly with gauze. It was very much temporary until she returned to Victor. She chuckled to herself.

"To the victor go the spoils."

Catherine took Soldier back to the shop, where she planned on loading the duffel with the row of rifles. Upon entering, she was shot at, and she whipped back around the doorway. Soldier lifted himself onto his rear hooves and slammed back down.

"You killed my son!" The woman screamed, "You killed my husband!" She fired again, splintering wood, "You took everything I had!"

Catherine listened as her mouth filled with blood, and she spit to continue yelling. It became inaudible, just gargled crying, coughing, retching. Her gun clattered to the ground and Catherine turned the corner, her pistol in hand. The woman stared at her, rage and grief pouring from her eyes, from her mouth. She hated her. She hated Catherine more than anything, and that was how she would die. Chest heaving and swelling with  _ hatred _ . Catherine moved the pistol only a few inches from her hip and fired. She should've used her left arm, since the recoil sent burning heat through her arm and up her shoulder. After groaning and shoving the weapon back into her holster, she began gathering rifles into the duffel, surrounded by bodies.

Struggling to do so, she tied the duffel and her backpack to the back of Soldier's saddle, and got in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On today's episode of "Catherine says fuck a lot"


	10. Back Room

Susie grunted as she heard knocking at the door, but released the grip on her revolver as she heard Catherine's voice.

"It's me!"

Susie ran to move the organ and swing the door open. She felt herself grow lighter upon seeing her, just barely in the darkness. Catherine cringed as she hugged her.

"Watch the arm, watch the arm!"

"What happened? Where the hell did you go?"

"Just wait inside."

Susie obliged, and watched her tote in a duffel bag and throw it toward her. It landed on the floor with a familiar rattling of wood, plastic, and metal. She left and returned just once more and hucked another bag to the floor. Freddie and Ksenija hurried down the stairs at the commotion. They illuminated the bags and the other women with their flashlights. Susie knelt down and unzipped the bag as Catherine shucked her jacket and hung it on a pew. Guns upon guns rested beside and on top of each other. She looked up, the flashlights illuminating the blood spattered across Catherine's face. She chose to ignore what dread sunk in her stomach, and asked the second most pressing question.

"Where did you get these?"

Catherine dug in her pocket for the card.

"Clarice gave this to me. Said she found it in the store she got shot in." She spoke proudly, but also bluntly.

"And the blood on your face? The bandage?" Susie blinked, keeping her voice as calm as possible.

"The blood- there's blood?" She first thought to raise her right arm, but couldn't. Her left hand scrubbed her cheek and came into view red.

"It's- it's not mine." She swallowed, "It wasn't easy to get this." She motioned vaguely at the bags, then her arm, "I got shot."

Catherine was shook by the past few hours, even an idiot could see that, and she wouldn't often allow herself to be seen by anyone in that state.

"Is it still in you?"

"Yeah," She laughed, "Can't wait to pry it out."

"Christ, would you let me do it?"

"No."

Susie found some bitter concoction of offense and concern within her over Catherine as she made her way toward the door. Maybe the word she was looking for was simply angry. Angry that she couldn't help, or that she wasn't wanted. She watched Ksenija stop her, and ask if she was sure. Catherine grew increasingly standoffish as she told her she had to do it herself.

The cold air hit her with reverence. She inhaled deeply, and took the first aid kit from Soldier's saddle. No part of her enjoyed walking past the group with that box in hand. She kept her eyes situated firmly in front of her and slightly toward the ground. Susie pursed her lips, and got up to follow her. When they entered the church's peculiar backroom, Catherine finally turned to look at her and her nose twitched.

"None of this was supposed to happen." She said, struggling to keep her voice from shaking.

"I know." Was all Susie could say, as she took a wooden chair from a stack of others, "Come here, sit."

Carefully, Susie knelt beside her and unwrapped her arm. Under the light of her flashlight, she could not discern an exit wound. Her girlfriend just had to go out and get herself shot by a gun that couldn't even penetrate an arm.

"You wanna tell me what happened?" She asked as she began wiping her knife with an alcohol swab.

"Not really. But, there were three of them. A man and a woman, and their son, maybe 15. They caught me in the store and at first they asked if I wanted to trade for the ammo. Told them I didn't have anything, then the woman said I could have sex with them for it. I said no and they started shooting at me. I killed them."

Susie took another alcohol wipe and began cleaning the blood from her cheek, her eyebrows scrunched together in that sad, pitying look that she could never help.

"Was that all?" Susie coaxed her gently.

"The woman lived- I hit her in the stomach. She  _ screamed _ at me until her mouth was full of blood." She recounted it as if she wasn't entirely sure it had happened.

Susie set the knife down and touched the sides of Catherine's face, then pulled her toward her by the back of her head. Face buried in her neck, where she still distinctly smelled iron and sweat, she comforted her. Catherine grabbed the back of her shirt and found the comfort she offered. She would have hated to hold that information within her, or to have been by herself at that time. Susie's hands, although rough, felt gentle against the back of her neck. Her nose ran along her cheek as she pulled away slowly. The only sound between them was the hissing of clothing. Susie picked up the knife once more.

"This… well, it's gonna hurt."

"Yeah, not my first rodeo."

"When was your first?"

"When I met some Fireflies, about ten years ago." She smirked.

"Ah, right. Almost forgot."

Susie was unceremonious, to say the least. She slid the knife into the wound, and popped out the bullet, slicing it open further and prying the bullet from sticky, coagulated flesh. Catherine's yell was guttural, followed by her panting and hanging her head. She pushed her hair back and looked at Susie.

"I hate you." She huffed.

"Yep, I know." She smiled as she took Catherine's arm and tied a cloth around it, to stop the bleeding before applying gauze.

Catherine ignored the singe in her arm and pressed her cheek against Susie's. Exhausted, utterly  _ exhausted _ , she pressed her lips to hers. There was a sudden heat on her leg where Susie's hand was placed and the kiss deepened.

"Please." Catherine whispered.

"Now? Here?"

"Yeah."

The very familiar sound of Susie unbuckling her belt sent a shiver through her. She stood up and as Catherine attempted to follow, she placed a hand on her shoulder, keeping her there. Catherine's eyes flicked upward as she leaned back. She could barely see past her silhouette in the light of the flashlight. It was just enough that she knew where to place her hand. She felt her side, and slid her hand under her shirt, her fingers disrupted by a scar. Susie's arm brushed against hers as she reached for her waistband, exposing herself to the cool air of the near pitch black room. Catherine followed her v-line with her fingertips to the base of her shaft, exhaling as she wrapped her hand underneath it. Her lips remained parted as she stroked it. She leaned affectionately into Susie's hand as it cupped her face and abashedly took her thumb into her mouth when it was pressed against her lips.

Catherine stood up, not impeded this time, and crowded close to Susie. Although the pain in her arm couldn't be ignored, she raised her hand to spread over Susie's chest. She gripped her member fairly tight, and listened intently to her short breaths.

"Sit down."

Susie listened, and Catherine exhaled at the flash of her green eyes as she turned toward the flashlight. Her features were dramatically sharpened, her cheekbones especially looked as though you could cut yourself on them. She giggled, of all things, as she was suddenly grabbed by the belt and pulled toward Susie. Her pants were jerked off her and Susie's hands ran up her legs as she stepped out. As soon as Catherine was straddling her lap as she had wanted from the beginning, it seemed to go all too fast. Susie slid into her and when Catherine wasn't going the speed she wanted, she fucked up into her. The way she grabbed her, bit into her neck, held her hips steady with bruising pressure, it drove Catherine insane. What sparked it, she had no idea, but she didn't particularly care in the moment.

They sat side by side afterward, leaning back against crates on the floor and each other, still partially naked.

"So… what was that about?" Catherine asked, smiling subtly.

"What was what about?" Susie smirked.

"You were like an animal… Not that I'm complaining."

"It's been a long day. I guess I took it out on you."

"I needed it, really."

Susie intertwined their fingers between them and stared forward.

"Why did you go to Driggs on your own?" She asked, suddenly.

Catherine looked her face over, from her long lashes to her still reddened lips.

"I don't know." She said.

"You don't know."

"No."

There was more silence after that. It filled the room like smoke and Catherine blew air through her nose, a sigh to clear it up at least a little bit. To keep it from burning her eyes.

"What do you think Tommy will do when Isha and Dinesh get back?" She asked.

"Exile Isha." Susie squinted, thinking harder at the opposing wall.

"What about Dinesh?"

"I think he won't stay. He'll have to go with Isha. Even though he had nothing to do with it."

"He'll have to go with him…" 

"You know how they are."

"I think I can relate to them far more than I know."

"Is that why you came on this trip?"

"Partially." Catherine admitted, "I did think it would be good for me." She said, each word measured, "I wanted to get away from the blood at the gate."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Horny trauma


	11. Fish Tackle and Resorts

_ "Is this your becoming?" _

_ Catherine looked around that dark back room and saw no one. Susie had gone, as well as the flashlight. She could make out the boxes, and the chairs. _

_ "What are you talking about?" She asked the void, standing up. _

_ "I can't tell you. Let me show you." _

_ "Show me, then." _

_ She covered her eyes as the room lit up, then rapidly blinked. There were people, pale and sickly, surrounding her, packed together and filling the room to the walls. She recognized many of them, but not enough of them. Each one had wounds, holes and slices in various parts of their bodies. They began pouring out, red liquid emptying their bodies. She stood there, feeling cold emanating from the ones closest to her. Impossibly, they parted for one to leave the crowd and approach her. That woman from Driggs, her stomach pouring coagulated blood, hitting the floor in chunks, stumbled forward. The hole in her eye could be seen through. Her hands clasped around Catherine's throat, ice cold, like metal. She grabbed her wrists, not necessarily trying to fight her off, but to postpone her suffocation. The woman yelled, no words forming and blood jutting from her throat and spraying Catherine's face. Her hold tightened, and Catherine began to panic. _

She gasped loudly as she woke up, the breath returning to her. As the dream escalated, her body had held her breath, leaving her coughing and inhaling air in gulps. Her hands went to her throat and she jumped away viciously at the hand on her back.

"Catherine! Christ, it's me." Susie said, quickly trying to ground her.

Seeing Susie in the soft light of morning, and no standing corpses of her past victims, calmed her greatly. She exhaled, and fell backward. As she lay on the floor to catch her breath, Susie came into view.

"Are you alright?"

"Peachy." She exhaled.

"You haven't had a nightmare like that in years." She sounded somewhat astonished.

"I have nightmares all the time, just not… not so…" She trails off and touches her neck again.

"Not so what?"

"Not so real. I can still feel it."

Susie helped her sit up and they each got dressed.

"I need some air." Catherine said.

"Alright, I'm gonna help get things ready." Susie bit her lip as she watched Catherine unlock the back door. She disappeared from sight and went into the garden, which she didn't know was there. It was well overgrown, and at the center of it was a long pile of dirt. She walked past it, trying to keep her breath steady, along the church's wall, to find Soldier. All of the horses' tack had been politely removed by either Ksenija or Freddie the night before. It seemed to have been placed inside, since it was nowhere to be seen.

Soldier shoved his snout under her arm, checking if it was okay, and retreating as he saw it wasn't. He pressed himself against her chest and she felt near tears while brushing her fingers through his tangled mane. Her ears perked up as she heard the distinct sound of the organ moving along the church's hardwood floor. Ksenija stepped outside, disheveled from sleep. Catherine avoided noticing until she spoke.

"Are we leaving today?"

"Yes." Catherine said, making little space for conversation.

"We were friends, I thought."

"So did I." Catherine said plainly.

"Would you tell me how you got shot?"

"I killed a kid's parents."

_ "Ty shutish, shto li?" _

" _ Da. Ya dolzhen byl." _

_ She had to. _

Ksenija nodded.

"In the school, there were children. Infected."

It struck Catherine as odd. She wondered why they were in the school, as opposed to their homes.

"They hadn't been infected for long. 10 years at most."

"10 years? The hell happened here then?"

"What happens everywhere."

Everywhere. She swallowed at the thought of Jackson.

"Would you… help me? With the horses?" Catherine asked. Maybe as some outreach.

"Of course." She smiled.

As the blankets and saddles were lifted onto horses' backs, and bridles were wrapped around horses' snouts, Catherine thought of something.

"If the infection got to this place only 10 years ago, what else is here?"

"Nothing worth the risk of losing that ammo. I don't think we should make any stops while we have it."

Catherine nodded, and smiled as Susie came into view with Soldier's saddle.

"Hey, I wanna show you something." She said, "Get on your horse."

"What? We gotta get going."

"Yeah, whatever, come on." She wrapped her arms around Catherine's thighs and lifted her with a grunt into Soldier's saddle. Ksenija watched as she giggled and stuck her feet in her stirrups.

"Alright, you got me. Where are we going?" Catherine asks, guiding Soldier away from his post in front of the church.

"When you were gone last night, I scouted a few blocks around the church. Found something you might like."

"Ohh, so it's a surprise, then?" Catherine quickly realized.

"In fact, it is." She smiled, smug as ever.

"Then I'll wait. Or guess. Is it… a mustang?"

"The car or the horse?" Susie snorted.

"Either or."

"Nope."

"Okay… is it… uhhh-"

"Don't hurt yourself." She laughed, "We're almost there. It's past the grocery store."

"Alright, alright. Is it-"

" _ It _ is right here."

Catherine halted her horse and looked to her left. The building had clearly already been broken into, by Susie, she presumed. It was painted blue, but it seemed to be peeling in large chunks. Her eyes immediately flicked up toward the sign, a similar yellow font to Gun Sporting that read "Tour Angling." Wrapped around the letters was a fishing pole graphic, line and lure cast outward toward the viewer. She turned to Susie, smiling.

"A fishing store?"

"You lost a lure to that thing we found in the lake, thought you might wanna replace it." She shrugged, her eyes flashing over Catherine.

"That is  _ very _ sweet of you." She hopped off of her horse and opened the door, grateful to not have to do anything more than that after the organ at the church. That joy growing in her chest made her feel like a child must have felt in a toy store. Not a single thing had been touched all those years, but it did seem bare bones, having a hand in the town's food supply before it went to hell. Her boots were the only sound in the store as she walked through the dust, scanning the wooden boxes filled with dozens of lures.

"You found this place last night?"

"Yep, didn't have much to do." Susie lied.

Catherine looked up briefly from the lures, "That's not true." She said it like a question, although the tone of her voice didn't change. Saying it like she wanted Susie to just  _ tell her. _

"No. It ain't. I buried Clarice."

"Isn't the ground frozen by now?" She found a tackle box, red and tin, lined with untouched foam for pinning lures into place. She looked it over, her back facing Susie.

"Partially." She watched the woman turn back toward her and begin filling up the box. Her hand jumped as she pricked herself.

"You didn't hurt yourself, did you?" Catherine asked, ironically.

"My arms are sore as hell, and my back feels like- well, shit, like I was shoveling frozen ground."

Catherine didn't say anything after that. She  _ couldn't _ say anything after that. No "Oh, you shouldn't have done that," or "You should be more careful," because she would be wrong. Susie wasn't great with grief. If shoveling frozen earth relieved some of it, then Catherine had no right to tell her otherwise.

She left the tackle box and looked around the store further, Susie lazily following. The rear of the store was darkened by the boards on the windows. She wandered down a narrow aisle and the darkness clouded her. Reaching for her flashlight, she spotted someone within it. Some faint moving shadow. She reached for her pistol next and raised it.

"Who's there?" She said with authority, "Show yourself!"

"Hey, whoa! What the hell?" Susie wrapped her hand around hers and pushed the gun down.

"I thought I saw someone.  _ Really _ thought I saw someone." As she looked down at her holster to put her gun away, the room became lighter. She looked up, abruptly, and saw that most of the windows were clear, letting in cloudy sunshine.

"Are you okay? You ain't got a fever, do you?" Susie turned her toward her and pressed her palm to her forehead, " _ Shit _ , you do."

"I feel fine?" Catherine said, not quite understanding what was happening.

"We'll talk to the doctor when we get back."

"I don't need a doctor. I'm just tired." She rubbed her eyes with her thumb and index finger and sighed, "Let's head back. Thanks for showing me this place."

"Yeah, of course."

Susie watched her take the tackle box, leave the store, and begin tying it to her saddle.

"How's the new horse treating you?" Catherine asked, struggling to get into her saddle with one arm.

"I think I'm growing on her." She smiled, looking over the buckskin mare and patting her neck.

"Good. I get nervous when mares get taken out of the stable."

"Well, she hasn't bit me yet, so I say we're good."

"Is Catherine okay?" Freddie asked, heaving her bag onto the back of her tobiano.

"I cannot tell. Her arm certainly isn't."

"Did she tell you how she got shot?"

"She can tell you that, if she wants. I won't tell you with the way you talk." She chuckled.

Catherine and Susie returned to the church, each one of them eyeing Ksenija and Freddie in their own way.

"I found this resort pamphlet." Freddie said, passing the little folded piece of paper to Susie.

She opened it, looking it over, "You wanna go on a vacation?"

"No," she snorted and snatched the pamphlet back, "For the horses. It's on the water.  _ And _ it's just on the way out of town."

"If we make a stop, we might as well be staying here for another night."

"And if we don't stop, the horses collapse." Catherine said.

"There are cabins there." Freddie lilted with a smile, "You know, if we  _ have _ to stay the night."

Susie rolled her eyes, "Get on your horse."

The resort was well off of the highway, and sat on the edge of a lake, about three times the size of the lake they found between Victor and Jackson. Catherine took Soldier to the shore, but stayed well back from the water. The weight of her arm was too much on her wound, and so she kept her hand in her pocket as she watched the horses drink. She sat on a log, used once upon a time for parking spaces, and allowed her arm to rest on her leg. An hour passed and Susie approached her.

"I think we should probably just stay here the night." She said, "I'm going to see if the cabins are clear. You wanna help?"

Catherine glanced out over the water.

"I don't think I should." She winced.

"Come on, it won't be that much work. I already looked them over and I didn't hear anything inside."

"Which means…?"

"It's clear."

"Or?"

"There are stalkers. But you can usually hear those ones too, skittering around like they do." She held out her hand and Catherine took it, being lifted from her spot with ease.

"And hey," Susie said, "Don't make me take those guns away from you. Keep them where they are."

"I'll keep that in mind for the next time you're about to be eaten alive."

"Don't get sassy with me," she smirked, "You know what I mean. No pulling on shadows."

"No pulling on shadows…" Catherine repeated to herself, feet sliding slightly on the gravel pathway to the row of cabins.

From what Catherine could remember of before, it seemed like a rich folk kind of place. The cabins were small, but appeared to be more like houses than a small woodland getaway. They all had stairs leading up to porches, which had a 50/50 chance of a rocking chair sitting just behind the wall, facing the water. Susie passed her a crowbar and she wedged it under a windowsill beside the front door, using only her left arm to slam it downward and levy the window up. Although dusty, the place seemed untouched. If anything, it would keep them from freezing to death as the temperature dropped. She climbed through, expecting to be jumped by some clicker or stalker, but was met with silence. She unlocked the door for Susie and they took their time looking around. The first floor was a living room with a fireplace and no television. There was nothing of the personal variety, it being a resort and all. No photos, no clothes, just a stark presentation not dissimilar to a hotel room. Catherine went upstairs next, to the bedroom. It was one large bed, which had sheets coated with dust laying on top of it, more or less undisturbed over the years. She worked with Susie to carefully remove the blankets, rustling as little as possible to keep the dust where it had landed. Despite that, Catherine sneezed a dozen times over, eyes watery by the time they stripped the bed down. The bed itself was clean. She sat on the edge of it, being reminded of how much she missed Jackson and not sleeping on the ground.

"You gonna tell me what's going on with you?" Susie asked, sitting beside her.

"Whaddya mean?"

"The nightmares, the thing at the tackle shop? Are you alright?"

"I'm tired. Things haven't been going right- things have been going  _ horribly _ , actually. After Clarice, and after that family, you expect me to be okay?"

"Not even a little bit. I just want you to talk about it." She carefully placed her hand on top of Catherine's.

"What's talking gonna do?" Catherine said dismissively, looking out of the window at the distant mountains past the tenant check-in building. There was snow on them already.

"Well, for starters, It'll keep you from bottling up whatever you're feeling. I know how much you love to do that."

"What? I tell you everything." She felt almost offended, as she often brings up topics that scare her.

"You haven't brought up the attack, or Bak, since it happened."

Catherine sighed and wiped at her eyes. They had begun welling as soon as Susie touched her hand.

"That's what this is." She motioned toward the window, "This entire trip was my penance for what happened to them."

"Catherine, that attack wasn't even remotely your fault."

"I'm not saying it was. I want to stop the group that's been terrorizing Jackson. This is where I had to start…. And now I have to keep going." She spoke wistfully, mind not entirely present as she spoke.

Susie watched on, a sickness settling in her gut. Catherine wouldn't meet her eyes. Even when she looked at her, it wasn't  _ at _ her. It was glances over her shoulder, looking at her hands or her legs.

"You should get some sleep. I'll take care of the horses."

"Not right now. I'll wait 'til night."

"I'm not asking." Susie said while standing.

Catherine looks up at her, the bags under her eyes more evident than ever.

"Yeah. Yeah… I guess I could use some sleep."

Susie left the room as she rubbed her eyes. She didn't want to sleep, not even the slightest bit. As she pried off her boots and her head hit the mattress, all that she could see behind her eyelids was her nightmare from that morning. She rolled onto her stomach and shielded her eyes in the crook of her elbow. Once she drifted off, it was quiet. It was dark and peaceful for as long as she needed it to be. Her breath was steady, her sleep was deep. Her eyes blinked open suddenly. It was dark out, and she had no way of telling what time it was, but the moon was just bright enough to cast shadows on the floor. She sat up, feeling that the other side of the bed was sunken. Susie was beside her, sound asleep.

Catherine walked to the window and peered out. The horses stood still, resting. It was calm. She walked down the stairs and opened the door, shivering as soon as the air hit her. Her bare feet recoiled as she stepped out onto the porch. Folding her arms and leaning on the wall, she looked out over the water. It was silent, omitting the crickets and the slight breeze rustling the leaves. That  _ calmness _ . She hadn't felt anything like it since before the attack. What were days felt like weeks. Beyond grateful for that one moment, she began crying. She was silent, but her body convulsed horribly as she struggled to support herself. Her face was nestled into the crook of her elbow, her shirt sleeve absorbing her tears. Her eyes burned from the salt no matter how she scrubbed at them. Although she quickly regained her composure, her breath shook as she exhaled, and her legs couldn't hold her up. She sat on the wooden steps, inhaling the fresh air, smiling despite it all. The front door of the cabin opened behind her and Susie sat beside her. Her hair, normally tied back into a high or low ponytail, fell over her shoulders and frizzed outward. Her curtain bangs fell over her eyes slightly as they had begun growing out.

"How are you feeling?"

"I didn't dream at all." She smiled.

"I guess that's a good thing, then."

"It is, after last night. I think I hate Idaho."

Susie, blissfully sleepy, laughed.

"I gotta agree."

They leaned against each other, Catherine pressing her forehead against Susie's cheek occasionally. She did so to ignore the figures standing along the shore, wavering in transparency, fading in and out of her reality. It seemed the sleep hadn't helped.


	12. Return

Catherine gripped the edges of her saddle and cursed to herself. With even the slightest tug, her arm seethed.

"Quit trying to work. Did you change your bandages?" Susie came up behind her and moved her aside, lifting the saddle with ease, much to Catherine's chagrin.

"No. I forgot."

"You're just asking for an infection, huh?"

"I  _ forgot _ ." She snatched the first aid kit from her saddlebag, begrudgingly slid off her jacket, and rolled up her sleeve. Dry blood stuck to it, pulling at her skin and the wound. It stung, as if she was further tearing the wound open. She thought if Clarice was still around, she would jokingly blame her for getting shot. Torn from her thoughts, she looked up at Susie, who brought her a wetted cloth to clean up the wound.

"Thanks…"

"Uh-huh. Looks like someone else is gonna have to be in charge of the stables for a while."

"No, no way." Catherine laughed, "I can't do the heavy lifting, but- yeah, I can't let someone else be in charge." She winced as she rubbed the hole in her arm with the cloth. Susie bandaged it for her, as she could use both of her hands, then kissed her.

"What was that for?" Catherine looked up into her bright eyes.

"'Cause I love you." Susie smiled.

Catherine subconsciously glanced toward the other two women of the group, who were talking amongst themselves and paying them no attention.

The silence was deafening once they left the resort. Clarice's absence was apparent. None of them spoke except for brief discussions on whether or not Catherine held the map upside down. The tackle box just behind her thigh rattled slightly, the horses' hooves clopped against the broken up cement highway, and the birds whistled in the highest branches of the pines. It all reminded her that there was something else there besides their grief. What they were able to ignore for just a day overwhelmed them then.

The night crawled through the woods, where they travelled deeply and built up a camp for the night. It being just the four of them, they made a single fire. Susie picked up her guitar and ran her coarse fingertips along the strings.

"Any requests?" She asked the solemn group, together but all alone in their own rights.

Freddie blinked at the fire before responding, "The one about the woman that sings to the cowboy."

Susie nodded, and just barely smiled as she began playing. It was a calm, peaceful song. A welcomed distraction for them to focus on. Her lips parted.

_ "She played tambourine with a silver jingle, _

_ And she must have known the words to at least a million tunes. _

_ But the one most requested by the man she knew as cowboy, _

_ Was the late night benediction at the y'all come back saloon." _

The group found solace in it, in its story, in the way they could picture the bar. The woman, and the cowboy, sharing a lonely, intimate moment. As they all did.

Susie was the last one awake. She sat and watched Catherine sleep for a long while, pushing her hand into her hair occasionally. Thinking about that kid they chased after the same day of the attack. How she reminded her of Dina, probably just because of their similar ages. She hoped she was okay. Her mind drifted, far too busy for sleep. Clarice was a common topic for her mind to bring up. Her bright blue eyes, her subtle little accent belonging to her father, an east coast southern type. She replayed the scenes of them spending time together at the range, or on patrols together when Catherine was on the watchtower. She swallowed roughly. No matter what she did, her eyes snapped shut and all she could see was her hand wrapped around the grip of Clarice's gun. Her head snapping to the right and her blood spattering against the church's wall.

Susie rubbed her eyes, trying to scrub the image from the inside of her lids. She stood urgently, her body beginning to shake. Her footsteps away from camp were clumsy, shoving leaves into mounds at the toes of her boots. She didn't keep track of how far she went, but kept going until she could no longer see the fire. She felt utterly sick. Her hand scraped against the cold bark of a douglas-fir as she lowered herself to the ground, knees uncomfortably pressed against rocks and roots. Pressing her thumb and index finger against her eyes, shielding her face, she sobbed. It was that dam waiting to burst. Her fist hit the side of the tree as she fell to her side. She kicked outward, holding herself tightly, growling angrily, shrilly, between wails. The same thing ran through her head. The gunshots from the distance, her chasing Catherine down, Clarice struggling to keep her head up, Clarice laying on the bench, Clarice dying. Her killing Clarice. She wanted it to stop, that vicious burning in her throat, the dry throbbing in her head. The pure agony as she bared her teeth, sometimes crying so hard that her body couldn't make a sound. Out of breath and gasping, her hands reaching for the top of her head and pulling at her hair. A fit that lasted an indefinite amount of time until her breathing returned to some kind of normalcy, albeit shallow and drawn out. Leaning back against the tree, her hair sticking to spots of resin, she looked up at the stars. They were somewhat visible between the huddled branches of conifers. The moon scattered light over the forest floor in a dizzying pattern.

Stumbling over herself, exhausted, Susie returned to the camp. No one had shifted even the slightest. Lifting Catherine's blanket, she settled underneath it and wrapped each of her arms around her. Exhaustion knocked her out quickly, along with the warmth of her love pulled against her.

The sun burned her eyes far too soon. Catherine shook her awake with her boot, everything already packed.

"The hell?"

"You looked tired, come on, get dressed." The brunette chewed on some smoked meat as she spoke.

"We're all tired, you should've woke me up."

"Nah, you looked different. Come on, now." She grabbed her hand and pulled her up, then grabbed the blankets from the ground, "Want some?"

Susie was offered the meat that was left, just enough to make her feel guilty accepting it.

"You're uh, you're in a good mood." She observed, eating while pulling less comfortable, but warmer, clothes on.

"It's a new day." She said, thoughtfully, "Maybe there's something we can do to cease it."

"Getting back to Jackson would be my preferred way of ceasing." Susie threw her pack over her shoulders and turned to her horse, nameless for the time being.

"Mine too. What's in your hair?"

Susie reached behind her head, feeling the crisp, dried resin in a few spots, accompanied by bits of bark.

"I couldn't sleep last night, so I went for a walk." In her saddle, she looked over to Freddie and Ksenija. They still looked to her for guidance, and mounted up only after her. Catherine smothered the fire and was the last out of the clearing. That silence was upon them again. The tackle box rattled.

It was there. Just ahead of them, the walls of Jackson towered. The sun was blazing over the trees as they made it to the gate, whistling and startling the watchtower crew.

"Hey! Open the gate! They're back!" Someone they couldn't recognize by voice hollered down.

That familiar screeching of the gate was like home, relaxing them in an instant. Susie and Catherine rode side by side, Ksenija and Freddie mirroring them. The workers at the temporary stables at the front of town took the reins as the group dismounted. The watchtower crew radioed Tommy and Maria, from what Catherine heard. She slung the bag of ammunition over her good shoulder while Susie grabbed the guns. The town mumbled around them as people returned home from work.

"Here, give me that." Susie grabbed the bag from Catherine's shoulder, "I'm gonna take this to the armoury, go get Dina and bring her over."

"Kids aren't allowed in the armoury."

"What's she gonna do?" Susie squinted, heaving the bag on her other shoulder.

"Alright, I'll go get her."

Catherine split off from her, suddenly nervous that she was alone. With a deep breath, she picked up the pace, seeing the windows in her house were lit up. She pushed through the front door, breathing in that specific smell of home and taking in the sight of their couches that matched the kitchen.

"Dina! We're back!" She hollered, leaving the door open.

There were hurried footsteps from upstairs, then the girl stood at the top of the stairs, grinning. She ran down the stairs, hopping the last few steps and nearly tackling Catherine. Carefully, Catherine pulled her closer, somehow, and nestled her face into her hair. She smelled of soap.

"I missed you so much." She held the back of her head and pulled away, holding her face, "Susan's gonna wanna see you. Get your coat on."

Dina yanked her brown coat from its hook by the door and followed her outside. She stopped her on the porch and grabbed her shoulders.

"I have to tell you something first, I think it's important you hear."

"Is it about Clarice? I overheard some of the patrol boys talking about Isha."

"Yes, it is. Susan's  _ not _ taking it well, so go easy on her, alright?" Catherine thought about it, and she was taking it even worse. But Dina didn't need to know that. They walked to the armoury together and Dina began running as soon as she saw Susie standing outside. Although interrupting a conversation between her, Tommy, and Maria, Susie had no issue with it. She knelt down and held her tight, suddenly ignoring everything else.

"There she is." Tommy said, shuffling down the stairs, "Hero of the town. Welcome back." He smiled, shaking her hand.

"It's Clarice you should be calling that."

"I know. We can talk about Dinesh and Isha later."

"I'd prefer now."

"With your kid here?"

"I'll send her back to the house for it, once she's done talking to Susie."

"We can do all that tomorrow. Y'all need the rest."

"I'm sure we do. We'll do it now." Catherine was politely dismissive and leaned against the post at the bottom of the stairs, listening to Susie coo. Dina asked a million questions, ranging from how the town was to what they found.

"Sweetheart, Susie and I need to talk to Tommy and Maria. You wanna head back? We'll be home in just a little bit."

Dina nodded, giving both of them one more hug before heading back to the warmth of home. Once out of earshot, Catherine spoke up.

"What did you do with him?" Catherine spat at the older couple.

"Isha is… in a holding cell for the time being. He confessed enough for us to do that. We wanted to wait for you to get back before doing anything drastic." Maria said, "Can we go inside to talk about this?" She leaned into her radio, "Someone tell Ksenija we need her at the armoury."

They all filed into the armoury and sat around the decrepit wooden table. The single light above them made things unnecessarily gloomy.

"What did Isha tell you two?" Catherine took the forefront of their dialogue, Susie leaning forward on the table, looking tired.

"He said he accidentally shot Clarice when they got jumped by stalkers. Then she got infected. He was crying so hard he could barely get it out…"

Susie grew distant from the group, recalling the previous night and thinking about just how badly she wanted to sleep in her own bed, beside Catherine.

"Susan… maybe she should tell you." Catherine sighed, turning to the woman who just barely shook herself from her thoughts.

"She wanted me to do it. She wanted me to shoot her before she turned." Susie looked down at her hand, flexing it. Open and close. Speaking was difficult. She could barely bring herself to open her mouth. But they all looked at her expectantly.

"I buried her beside the church we were holed up in. Back still hurts…" She mumbled, "I don't blame Isha for what happened. I don't think Clarice did either."

Catherine was taken aback. She most certainly blamed Isha for shooting Clarice.

"If anything, I… blame myself for splitting up the group."

"Don't you dare do that, Susan." Maria scolded, "You couldn't have possibly known what was gonna happen."

Susie looked up at Catherine, "I think we should let him stay."

"I don't think we should make a decision so quickly."

The door creaked open, revealing the sun had set further, but still lit up the town. Ksenija walked in and sensed the tension. She sat beside Tommy, across from Susie.

"This coming down to a vote then?" Tommy asked, slightly agitated, "He's just a boy."

"He's a boy that's killed someone." Catherine said in a hushed tone.

Susie grabbed her arm suddenly, her eyes pleading in a way she hadn't seen before, "Have mercy on him, Catherine."

Catherine looked between everyone, then settled her eyes on the floor.

"Let me sleep on it, alright?"

Once they had gone, Maria turned to Ksenija, "Tell us what you think."

"I think Isha can't be trusted with a gun. Do I think he should be exiled? No. Clarice would have lived if it weren't for spores, not if it weren't for Isha."

"Then we're gonna have to keep him around even if Catherine doesn't like it." Tommy said.

"Is that safe?" Maria scoffed, "You've seen how she can be. She could kill Isha in her sleep."

"She wouldn't. She doesn't take killing lightly. Maybe we could all learn from that." The bitterness in the sentiment was pointed at himself, "She said she would sleep on it. Could change her mind."

Catherine inhaled deeply as she finally collapsed in her bed, a long awaited reunion as her sleep schedule had been wrecked by the trip and whatever horrendous nightmares her mind cooked up for her. Dina and Susie had sat together in the living room for hours, Dina asking question upon question and Susie answering honestly.

"We stayed an extra day when we found a group of cabins on this lake. It was noon by then, and we weren't gonna make any headway."

"Was it nice?"

"For the most part, sure. It was dusty."

"How many times did mom sneeze?" She said it in a jokingly urgent tone.

"Probably more than she had her whole life." Susie smiled, yawning suddenly, "Let's get to bed, kiddo. Your mother and I have a whole lot to do tomorrow."

"Not all day, though, right?"

"Nah, not all day. We're taking some days off, your mom especially. She got hurt pretty bad."

" _ What? _ Why didn't she say anything?"

"I guess she just didn't want you to worry… Come on, bed time."

"But I wanna know what happened!"

"She got caught up with some folk, weren't the friendly type. She'll tell you about it in the morning."

She stood up and followed Dina upstairs, wishing her a goodnight before opening the door to her own bedroom.

Catherine was sound asleep, arms wrapped around her pillow. Susie was quiet as she changed, watching Catherine almost the entire time. In that moment it was like nothing had ever happened. If it weren't for the bullet hole in Catherine's arm, she could forget it all and pretend. If it weren't for the image burned into her eyes. But that brutalistic reminder was there.


	13. The Clinic

Ksenija was lonely as soon as she entered her home. A two story house, with a big living room that led into her kitchen. It was all big and it was all empty. She threw her bag onto the floor beside her couch and immediately made for the bathroom. She pulled her pale hair out of its braid and stared at the dirt on her before turning the water on. The water was barely warm, but it was still welcomed as it washed the sweat from her hair and the grime on her face. A quick towel off, a t-shirt, and a pair of sweatpants later, she went back downstairs.

She switched the light on in her kitchen, and poured herself a drink. Not even ten minutes pass before there's a knock at her door. She opened it partially, then entirely when she saw Freddie standing on her front steps, a bottle in hand. Her curls clung to her head, freshly washed.

"Oh! It looks like you beat me to it." The little pale redhead referred to the drink in Ksenija's hand, "If you're up for seconds, you could let me in."

Ksenija didn't say anything, but laughed and stepped aside.

"Dark in here…" Freddie muttered, hitting the living room's light switch, "Got any spare glasses?"

"Of course." She set an empty glass on her coffee table and sat on her couch. Freddie sat diagonally from her in a chair and filled her glass.

"After all that travelling and close quarters, I started to miss having people around to annoy pretty quickly." Freddie brought the glass to her lips as she waited for a response of some kind. The most she got was a nod. She drank.

Ksenija finished her drink quickly, and poured herself a second.

"Will you testify for Isha?" The Russian asked.

"Maybe against him, if it comes to it."

Ksenija seemed displeased with her answer.

"I'm only joking. But, I liked Clarice. It's hard for me to pin my blame on anyone else."

"I understand."

Freddie huffed, "It's no fun to talk about that."

"Is now a time for fun?"

"There should be, at the very least, a little bit of a celebration. We brought back a small arsenal."

Ksenija shook her head and finished off her second glass. She didn't pour a third.

Freddie huffed and moved to sit beside her. She sunk into the couch and took another drink, not quite enjoying the burning, poison-esque flavour. Drinking it anyways, she leaned forward. Ksenija wasn't always talkative, and recent events left her near mute. She sidled closer to her, smelling the soap she had used. It was ginger and vanilla, somehow more intoxicating than the face-scrunching liquor in her hand.

"With that small arsenal, what do you think we'll do?"

"It will go in the armoury and we'll be forced to leave again, to go search some other town- or God forbid, a city. Because it's still not enough."

"Could we ever come across something like that again?"

"If Catherine tags along again. She seems to have good luck."

"I'd say it's the opposite. She hasn't taken Clarice's death very well. She's had nightmares since the attack."

"How do you know she's had nightmares?"

"I might have eavesdropped on her and Susie." She shrugged, taking another drink. Ksenija rolls her eyes.

"Listening to them having sex, I imagine."

"Well, you don't have to listen very hard to hear that." She half laughs, "And it's been a while since I've been able to fuck anyone." 

"How long?" Ksenija humoured her.

"A… few years."

"Is that why you're here? To loosen me with liquor and seduce me with that pretty face of yours?" She met Freddie's bright, round eyes with a smug grin.

"Looks like I won't have to try too hard." She smiled.

"We will see."

Freddie chuckled and finished off her drink.

"We're gonna have to talk about Isha at some point, you know that?" Susie set her half-eaten breakfast aside and turned her attention wholly to Catherine.

"I'm eating." She dismissed her, getting a sigh as a response, "Look, when I'm done, I'll talk to Maria."

"About Isha?"

" _ Yes,  _ about Isha. I thought about it."

"And?"

"Like I said, I'm eating." Agitated, but not serious.

Susie couldn't help but laugh. The way she spoke sounded like she had rethought Isha's sentence. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, since they all agreed Isha should remain in Jackson. But if some weight was lifted from her conscience, then his reintegration into the town would be easier.

Catherine was distracted by Dina, who had been glancing at her bandage on and off for almost all of breakfast.

"You want me to tell you about it?" Catherine asked, giving in.

"A hundred percent."

"Alright…" She sighed, setting her fork down, "Clarice gave me a business card for a gun store a couple hours from town. Foolishly, I went by myself. I got cornered inside by a few people and once I shot two of them, the last one charged me. They tripped," She snorted, "And shot me in the arm. I tied some shit around it and found the guns in their house. I was pretty faint at that point. I uh, I don't remember much else between the gun shop and getting back to the church." She rested an elbow on the table and her thumbs fidgeted between her clasped hands.

"I'm glad you didn't let me go." Dina said, concern plain on her face, "What's gonna happen to Isha?"

"I don't know yet." Catherine answered.

Maria looked around the armoury, eyes darting from gun to gun, confused as they landed upon the final rifle. Or, what she assumed was a rifle. It had a shape that couldn't be described. It was as if it was made of building blocks, tapering slightly at the top, where an optical sight rested. The grip was similar to that of a pistol, and doubled as the magazine well. The barrel was completely encased, giving it that weird shape. The damn thing looked like a toy, from a young boy's math class doodles. She pressed the bulky stock against her shoulder and raised her brows. A pleasant surprise, as it was one of the most comfortable assault rifles she had ever come across. She heard the door open behind her.

"Morning, Catherine. What do you think of this thing?" She held up the gun.

"Where the hell'd you get that?" She laughed, taking a seat at the table.

"From you. It was in the bag you brought?" Maria reminded her.

Catherine's eyes wandered away from Maria, concerned.

"I was losing a lot of blood, so… yeah, I don't remember, really."

"You really should be resting."

"Would you please spare me the lecture, Maria? I'm here to talk about Isha."

"Good." She set the rifle down and sat at the other end of the table, "You've thought about it?"

"Not really, but… everyone's pretty keen on letting him stay."

"It doesn't matter what they say-"

"I'm certain that what the woman I have a child with says matters." Catherine laughed, "Let him stay, but don't let him anywhere near a fucking gun. That means no patrols, and not letting him on any more supply runs. Hold him in here like he's a prisoner. Those are my conditions."

"He's too young, anyway. We shouldn't have let him go on that trip."

"Why did you?"

"It wasn't my call."

"Oh, so it was Tommy? I guess I can believe  _ that _ ."

"It was Susan."

Catherine couldn't take the information well. She ran her hand over her mouth.

"Why would she do that?"

"She was working with him at the range and he was really improving, she thought it would be good for him."

_ "She thought it would be good for him." _ Catherine mumbled, standing from the table. She couldn't tell if she was angry. Something along the lines of betrayal pulled at her heart. Maria called after her, but she couldn't hear anything above a distant call. She leaned on the railing outside and tried to stomach it. There was no one to place the blame on, she knew that, but she couldn't believe how  _ bad _ of a call an ex-Firefly had made. She should have said something before they left, questioned why Isha and Dinesh were coming. Catherine made for the stables next, figuring she shouldn't see anyone but her horse for a while.

Soldier was enjoying his rest in the corral. He was dosing off, legs folded up under him. That is, until he saw her. He clambered up to his hooves and nickered with his head high as he trotted toward the fence Catherine leaned on. She oofed as he shoved his snout into her chest. Cooing and scratching his neck, she smiled brightly.

"How's my big lad, huh? How's my big ol' Soldier?" She chuckled.

The town around her was quiet, settling after their return and, possibly, mourning. She didn't see a single soul around her, but heard footsteps. Soldier's ears were thrown forward, and he grew agitated.

"What is it?" She asked him under her breath.

The only response she got was laboured snorting. Spinning around, breath picking up, she saw the same shadows from before beginning to form around her. A circle of them, joined at the shoulders. They melded together as they closed in on her, feet only wisps spread over the ground. There were no faces to make out, no eyes, no mouths, but she could feel them staring her down, forcing her to the ground. Her feet dug into the dirt as she was pressed tightly against the corral's fencing. The sun was blocked by the only one left crowding her, pressing its cold body against hers as its hand wrapped around her throat. She grabbed the arm holding her down as it solidified, becoming more human, looking more and more like the boy from the gun shop. Her lungs burned and her ears throbbed. She couldn't pull away the arm, no matter how hard she pushed. With her last strength she swung her fist into his face. His jaw barely moved. Pushing and pulling at his arm did nothing, and her vision soon blistered. Her arm fell back to her side and her eyes shut.

Susie grew slightly concerned when she wasn't home on time, and more importantly, bored. The corral was the one place she could always find her, so she grabbed her jacket and Dina tagged along, wanting to see Soldier as well.

"Do you think she'll ever let me ride him?" Dina asked, hair pushed against her ears by a beanie.

"You're gonna have to ask Soldier that."

"Wait, is that mom?"

Susie squinted at the sight. A woman lay on the ground, and Soldier reared onto his back hooves, whinnying with alarm. Susie ran toward the commotion and held down the button on her radio. Dina ran just behind her.

"I need medical at the corral immediately. Repeat, I need medical at the corral  _ immediately _ ." She slid to the ground and fell to her knees, turning Catherine onto her back.

Her hands touched her cheeks, then moved to her neck, checking for a pulse. It was either very slow, or gone. She leaned forward and listened for breathing, and heard nothing. There had been very little in her life that could have prepared her for this. After a single, solid deep breath, she clasped her hands together and placed them on Catherine's sternum. The compressions were violent, but cracked ribs must have been more pleasant than death.

"What's happening?!" Dina whimpered from behind her.

"I don't know, sweetheart. Just stay calm, okay? It's gonna be okay."Although Susie comforted her, it was with promises she wasn't sure she could keep. The kinds of promises they weren't allowed to make. Catherine didn't move. Tears began welling in her eyes, making it hard to see.

Just then, a group ran around the side of the barn, spooking Soldier further. He spun around and kicked the fence, splitting a board in half. Stomping the ground as he bucked, he ran the perimeter of the enclosure.

"Susan, what's going on?" Kotone was at her side, feeling Catherine's neck.

"She's not breathing."

"How long have you been doing compressions?"

"Since I radioed the clinic."

"Then we need to get her back to the clinic."

Without thinking, Susie slid her arms under Catherine and lifted her. Feeling her limp in her arms, colder than she normally was, forced the tears down her cheeks. Kotone, focusing mostly on whether or not Susie could hold the woman, also placed her hand on Dina's back.

Catherine was placed on a cot where she was then crowded by the few medically trained people in Jackson. There was little debate as one grabbed a defibrillator and another cut open her shirt. Susie knelt and held Dina tightly, not taking her eyes off Catherine.

They shocked her twice before she opened her eyes, grasping the shirt of the man holding the defibrillator. Her breathing was laboured, and she squeezed her eyes shut at the exposure of the light. Susie seemed to cry even harder simply out of relief, pulling Dina closer to her, if it were possible. Kotone held a stethoscope to Catherine's chest and smiled.

"Heart rate is good! Catherine, can you hear me?" She pulled a sheet over her for modesty.

"Sure can." She wheezed.

"Good. Do you know what day it is?"

"Thursday?"

"Good, good. What do you remember doing before you got here?"

"I was… eating breakfast. I was gonna talk to Maria afterwards." She squinted at the ceiling, "I remember being at the corral, though." The boy from the gun shop permeated her memory.

"You might remember what happened in a little bit. Please, just rest here in the clinic for now."

"Well, wait- what happened?"

"It seems you may have had a heart attack."

"I'm 34, how'd I have a heart attack?"

"I'm not sure yet. Please, rest. Susie, you can come over now."

Susie rushed to her side with Dina and hugged her, grabbing her face and looking into her eyes, checking closely to make sure it was real. Catherine smiled at her, distracted by Dina squeezing her way in-between them to have her turn to hug her.

"I hate to interrupt, but I have to ask, have you been experiencing anything odd lately? Any heart palpitations or shortness of breath, etcetera?" A man, Dr. Bourne, asked gently.

"Not that I can tell, no."

Susie was unsure if it was her place, but she spoke up, "She's been blacking out lately. When we were in Victor, she- I'm not sure what it was, but her eyes rolled back and she passed out."

"I don't mean to alarm you, but that may have been a seizure." Dr. Bourne, despite what he said, gave them all a very concerned look, "It's very rare though, for a seizure to cause cardiac arrest."

"Jesus Christ…" Catherine sighed, sitting up and scrubbing her eyes, "So, what, you're gonna have to keep me here?"

"We'd prefer to keep a close eye on you, yes. But… since you live so close to the clinic, we may only keep you for the night. You're aware that you were technically dead, just a few minutes ago, right?"

With crossed arms holding up the blanket, she stared at the wall, eyes casting further downward in deeper thought.

Susie and Dina stayed at Catherine's bedside the whole night. That was, however, after Susie left at Catherine's request to bring her a shirt that hadn't been sliced up the front. It wasn't comfortable at all to be in any of the stiff, wooden chairs provided by the clinic. Susie was close to resorting to the floor. Kotone must have kept quiet, as they didn't receive any visitors. They were all grateful. Catherine was unsure she had enough energy to talk to anyone. Dina held her hand loosely as they fell asleep.

The family returned home in the morning, and Catherine swore to herself as she briefly turned around at the door. She knew the smell, she knew the feel. Everything floating through the air said it would snow, and soon.

"What's up?" Susie asked, very much on edge since the incident.

"It's gonna snow." Catherine mumbled, hand still gripping their screen door, "We might not get clearance to leave again."

"Come inside, Catherine." Susie said, gently. She shooed Dina into the house and took the screen door, filled with holes, from Catherine. She shut it behind them, remaining on the porch beside her. They leaned on the railing together.

"What are we gonna do?" Catherine whispered, eyes trailing the snowflakes that fell in front of her, melting as soon as they hit the ground.

"I don't know." She carefully pulled a hand from Catherine's clasped position and held it, intertwining their fingers. There was a looming evil in the air neither could ignore very well, in the presence of the other or not. No hand holding could offer the comfort either needed, but it felt nice regardless.

"Am I dying?" Catherine asked, even quieter than a whisper.

Susie felt bile in her throat at the thought of it. She held Catherine's hand to her lips.

"I don't know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty close to the end of this fic, it's gonna be the first one I've ever actually completed so I'm a lil proud of myself :)


	14. Spasibo

Ksenija woke up that morning in her bed, an empty bottle of liquor on her left and a small, nude redhead on her right. Her head ached and despite her Russian descent, the liquor was  _ not _ agreeing with her. Not worried about waking Freddie, she rushed to the bathroom. At least she still had her undergarments on, protecting what little dignity she had left. Remembering a time she didn't have plumbing made her unbelievably grateful to hurl into a toilet she could flush.

"Can't handle a little moonshine?" Freddie asked, cocky, but with a headache as bad as hers. She was wrapped up in one of Ksenija's sheets.

"Now is not a good time."

"Didn't Russians invent hard liquor? Thought it was in your genes."

"I believe that was Indians-" She was cut off by another sudden, disgusting wave of nausea. Freddie cringed, "It's an unfortunate stereotype. I avoided liquor before the outbreak."

"Why'd you do that?"

"I was a cop. Drunk cops don't have very good reputations."

"You were a cop?" Freddie asked in disbelief.

"Not for very long. It was six months before the outbreak I finally graduated from the academy. If I knew that was going to happen, I would have happily remained unemployed." She wiped her watering eyes and flushed the toilet, sheepish over her state. Freddie raised her eyebrows and moved out of the doorway, staring pointedly at Ksenija's muscles which flexed as she stood. For a 40 year old woman- or maybe older, she never asked- she seemed to take pride in what she could do to herself. It  _ almost _ made her self-conscious, but she liked the way she looked beside that behemoth of a Russian.

"How old are you, anyway?" Freddie asked.

"What, now you're worried about that?" Ksenija chuckled as she pulled a shirt on.

"I'm just curious, since you were old enough to be a cop beforehand."

"45."

"Looking pretty good for it."

"And what about you?" She sat on the edge of the bed and downed a glass of water, frowning at its staleness.

"25. I barely knew what was happening when everything started going to shit."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"It is what it is. I ended up somewhere pretty nice." She picked up her clothes from the floor and dropped the sheet back onto the bed. Ksenija averted her eyes, rubbing her neck and looking at the floor. She couldn't avoid a few glances at the mirror, though, which Freddie stood in front of.

"Do you… remember what happened last night?"

"I remember that I liked it." She shrugged.

The answer was good enough.

Dinesh tugged his ponytail taught as he stood outside of the little makeshift jail toward Jackson's southern gate. It was too early for him to visit Isha, who was probably asleep for all he knew. The wind chilled him, even through his coat. It would snow soon. He heard footsteps approaching.

"Hey, kid…" Tommy greeted him with pity.

He only nodded as he was let in. It was the traditional little sheriff's office you'd see in a town like Jackson, before the outbreak. Isha was in a small cell, one corner being the wall of the building and the other corner formed from bars. He stood from his cot and grabbed the bars loosely. He had been in there for only a day, but hated every second of it.

_ "It wasn't my fault. They have to know that!" _ He signed, probably for the hundredth time.

"I know it wasn't your fault. Susan and the rest of the group got back last night. Wish I could've told you sooner."

_ "So? Are they letting me out?" _

"No idea. Maria said that Catherine wanted to sleep on it."

_ "That's bullshit." _ Isha threw his arms up and sat back on his cot.

"I agree." Dinesh chuckled, "But, she's grieving. I can understand that much. People don't think straight when they're grieving."

_ "You don't ever think straight." _

"Alright, shut up."

_ "I didn't say anything." _

Dinesh laughed and pressed his forehead against the bars. Seeing his kid brother behind them hurt, but he was confident nothing bad was going to happen. Then, Maria entered. She was smiling.

"We have to talk for just a minute, but Catherine agreed to let you stay in Jackson."

The two boys grabbed each other's hands, grinning broadly.

"Yes! This is awesome!" Dinesh reached through the bars to hold onto Isha's shoulders, as a small hug.

"Not quite a victory yet, boys. Isha." She grabbed his attention with her stern tone, "You're not getting let out because you didn't do anything wrong. You're being let out because Susie still thinks you're still worth our time. You ain't allowed your guns. You're staying inside Jackson. That means no patrols, no hunting, no supply runs. Nothing. You understand, Ish?"

It seemed to be quite a price to pay, but he would pay it. He nodded. Maria unlocked the cell door and stepped aside. Isha didn't hesitate to throw himself at his brother.

"And, Isha? Stay away from Catherine. I think it's for the best."

It was the next day when word finally got around Jackson that Catherine had died her first death. She remained inside, in her bedroom, safe from anyone who might pester her if she was in their line of sight. She wasn't safe from the pestering of Susie, though, but she didn't mind that kind.

"You got your first batch of get well soons." Susie said, sitting beside her on the bed.

"I'm well  _ now _ . Their worry's wasted on me."

"Jesse's downstairs, hope you don't mind."

"Not at all. Him and Dina get along pretty well." She smiled.

"He was nervous asking if he could hang out with her. Apparently she didn't want anything to do with him while we were gone."

Catherine hummed, acknowledging her.

"Talked to Jesse's parents." Susie continued, "They wanted to see you."

"I'm sure they did. What did you tell them?"

"The typical spiel. That you were resting."

Catherine sighed, "Resting. I hate it."

"You're a pile of ADD, of course you hate it."

Catherine jumped as there was a sudden banging at the door. Susie motioned for her to stay there as she investigated, as if she needed to. Catherine was more than happy to stay right where she was. Dina sat in the kitchen with Jesse, refraining from opening the door to someone so aggressive. Susie opened it instead.

"Ksenija? Jesus Christ, you're gonna break the door off the damn hinges."

"Maria told me what happened. Can I see her?"

Susie sighed, understanding to a degree their long friendship.

"I really don't think it's a good idea."

" _ Please. _ Just for a few minutes."

Susie sighed, shaking her head and rubbing the back of her neck. Even with her gaze cast downward, she could feel Ksenija's pleading eyes on her.

"Alright. She's upstairs."

_ "Spasibo. Bolshoe spasibo." _

Susie didn't have a clue what she said, but she seemed relieved as she let her in. She followed her upstairs and hung back in the hallway to give them a small bit of privacy.

Catherine looked up to see the Russian in a dark blue coat, lined with fur, but unbuttoned. She could tell it was thrown on in a hurry. Ksenija leaned in the doorway, feeling uncomfortable with the idea of entering her private bedroom.

"I didn't… I didn't think of what to say- Maria told me what happened and-"

"Yeah, it's fine." She waved, "It's good to see you."

_ "Eto pravda?" _

"Da." She stated simply, "You seem like you were scared when you heard."

"I was. You're still my friend."

Catherine felt tense. She heard Susie come up the stairs with her, and felt too scared to say anything.

"Can we talk later? I promise we will, but uh, doctor's orders." A very feeble lie, but it seemed to have worked.

"Of course. Um,  _ Ochen rad chto u tebya vsyo khorosho _ ."

_ "Spasibo." _

Ksenija smiled before turning away. Susie had remained in the stairway just down the hall.

"Thank you for letting me see her."

"Sure."

It was after they had eaten dinner that Catherine attempted to fully divulge Susie on what had been happening to her. They sat under the sheets of their bed together while Jesse and Dina decided to wreak havoc around town, supervised by Jesse's parents, of course.

"I remember what happened before I collapsed." Catherine said, quietly.

Susie listened, glancing toward her.

"I- I guess I was hallucinating. I was being strangled. It was the kid that I shot. I couldn't tell the difference between what was real and what wasn't."

"So you couldn't tell you were having a seizure?"

"No."

Neither knew what to say after that. Catherine had a dozen things running through her head as they sat in overpowering silence. Asking herself if it would happen again,  _ when _ it would happen again, if she would live through a second attack. She covered her mouth as a sob lurched in her throat. She was terrified. Susie was quick to move closer to her, to wrap her arms around her and press her forehead against the back of her neck. She trembled, even in her arms, having no way to just  _ get out _ what pained her. So overwhelmed by fear, uncertainty, a horrible  _ longing _ for normalcy, she couldn't keep it to herself anymore. It was the only moment she begged for the ability to go back in time to fix things. She wasn't sure if she could have stopped what was happening to her. Maybe it was just a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Convincing herself slowly that it was out of her control slowed her breathing. She recognized finally what Susie had been whispering to her. Quietly telling her it was okay, when neither of them really knew.


	15. Zhukova

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't very happy with where I took the story, so I'm having to start from scratch after this chapter. Hopefully I can cook up something more appetizing. I'd like to rewrite the entire story but it's just a fanfic after all. I love all my characters but if I'm starting from day one, I'll just write a whole new story. This update was posted on September 15th, 2020.

A month passed. Catherine hadn't had an attack since her heart stopped. Dr. Bourne, or Max, had given her the okay to get back to patrols. Susie was more than happy to see her getting back to her old self, sitting atop Soldier with a rifle proudly propped on her hip. Her arm was still stiff, though, and ached more than it didn't. The snow had been coming down hard, broken up by hot winds pushing through the mountains' valleys. It melted partially, turning into sheets of ice hidden beneath the fresh snow, which always came back with force. The younger kids loved it, stumbling around in their giant coats and hurling snowballs at each other. Dina would somehow always get caught up in their shenanigans, claiming she was only getting payback for a stray snowball that landed square in the back of her head.

Catherine would be spending that particular winter afternoon on a southern patrol with Ksenija. There had been recent reports of a larger than usual herd of infected, and a man named Greg had gone missing in the midst of it all. The best shots in Jackson were set on the task. Catherine didn't expect the title, nor the order for such a long patrol. Maria had been keeping her on a tight leash for her own sanity, but Catherine didn't mind it too much. As long as she could get out of Jackson for a little while to enjoy some different scenery.

Catherine met Ksenija at the southern gate with their horses and tossed her a rifle. She observed the weapon, looking down the sight and concluding it was a fine rifle while hiking it over her shoulder.

 _"Vy gotovy?"_ Ksenija asked, getting on the back of her very fitting bay draft horse.

"Um, da." Catherine replied, unsure despite the amount of ammo in her bandolier.

The gate, far taller than them, even on their horses, opened. It shut behind them in an instant. Catherine felt colder outside of the walls. They followed a small creek until they reached an outpost; an old radio station, nearly collapsing in on itself. It was there that they were able to let their guard down. After dismounting, Ksenija pulled aside a barrier, revealing that the staircase had been long destroyed and replaced with a ladder.

"Can you climb up this?"

"Yeah, I think I can manage a ladder, Zhukova."

Ksenija raised her brows, pretending to be impressed as she ascended the ladder herself. Catherine followed, her arm stretching and flexing in uncomfortable ways. She resorted to using one arm after only a few rungs. There was a door immediately to her right where a couch and a coffee table were. She threw her backpack down and flopped onto the couch, glancing to her right and noticing a bong. She guessed it was Eugene's.

"I know you were a cop, but did you ever smoke?" She asked loudly, as Ksenija was in another room, signing them in.

"Cigarettes, yes. But I imagine you're referring to something else?"

"Yeah, you know," She picked up the bong, dirty and unused, "Pot, or whatever."

"No. We were drug tested."

"That's lame."

"Lame? You don't smoke it either."

"Yeah, well, pot or not, it's still the fucking apocalypse. I don't see the point."

Ksenija rounded the corner.

"Come here for a moment."

Catherine wasn't given time to respond as Ksenija walked away, so she simply followed. In the larger room, there was a window, looking out on a town that they had mostly picked over long ago.

"Is it a good idea for just the two of us to head into that town if it is overrun with infected?" She asked.

Catherine chewed on her lip, "Probably not." She hummed, "We still have to check it out, though. Maria just wants us to scope it out, take care of a few of them if we can. If it's as bad as they say, we'll head back and round up a group."

Ksenija nodded. The plan sounded simple, but they always do. It's always the plans that are meant to be easy that go the worst. She exhaled deeply.

 _"Ty v poryadke?"_ Catherine asked.

"Da." She smiled.

They returned to the horses and took them through the heavy snow toward the town. Soldier, although a large horse when compared to the rest of the stables, was simply dwarfed by Ksenija's horse.

"What's that big bastard's name anyway?"

"Markov." She smiled sweetly, "I never thought I could get very attached to a horse. As it turns out, I just never found the right horse."

"That can be the case sometimes. Are we getting any closer? I'd like to get out of this wind."

"You've never taken this patrol before?"

"No. I don't like going through old towns like this. It doesn't feel right."

"I know what you mean. But we are almost there."

Catherine urged Soldier forward as he slowed, clearly growing tired in the deep snow. He snorted in response, but picked up the pace. Markov showed no signs of slowing.

"How are you and Freddie doing?" Catherine asked, not entirely sure where the question came from. Curiosity and a wandering mind, mostly.

"I don't think it's very serious. She'll get bored of me eventually." Ksenija looked down as she spoke. She had clearly opened herself to Freddie in some way, and was met with disappointment.

"What happened?"

"It's… a pattern. We talk, we drink, we have sex, then she leaves in the morning. Sometimes before I even wake up. _Ya ischu devushku, kotoraya khochet lyubit i bit luybimoy. Ona ne takaya."_

Catherine was taken aback at the sentiment. Ksenija had been alone for so long, she was convinced it was just how she liked it.

"She's not the best person to look for a relationship in." Catherine winced, "She wasn't one of the Fireflies, you know?"

 _"Nu dyk."_ She nodded.

"We met her near the Colorado border. First thing she tried? Pickpocketing Susie."

"That was a big mistake, I take it?"

"Susie felt it and elbowed her like it was instinct. Knocked her out for a while." Catherine chuckled, shaking her head at the memory, "I still don't know why we brought her back here."

She looked up as they came upon a road, lined with old shells of cars. The horses turned at the sight of blood spattered across the road.

"Hey, easy, boy. Come on." Catherine soothed the animal, squeezing him with her thighs to move him. They got close enough to the scene where they could leave the horses hitched to a rusted out car and investigate. There was a horse, torn open, bits of it scattered up to ten feet away. The flank was just clean enough that she could make out the 'J' brand on it.

"This must have been Greg's." Catherine sighed, face scrunching as she nudged the solidly frozen animal with her boot, "Poor bastard couldn't have made it. This horse is a brick." 

"He could still be here." Ksenija's eyes follow a crowd of footprints, picking out a single pair of boots that caught her attention.

"If he is, it's as a runner." Catherine followed Ksenija, who vaulted through an old store window without hesitation, concentrating hard on the ground. Her ears were perked as she listened for potential danger. Catherine slipped in the blood, just barely catching herself on an old store shelf.

"The horse is frozen solid, and the blood is fresh, what does that mean?"

"It's either Greg's blood, or the infected's." She swiped her fingers through it and sniffed it, covering her nose with her sleeve immediately after, "It's the infected's."

Catherine snickered to herself as Ksenija wiped the blood from her hand on a shelf and continued along the trail of smeared guts and, eventually, fallen infected. Mostly runners, but also a clicker, face split deeper than usual.

"God damn. This guy's a beast." Catherine muttered, impressed by the carnage. There were spent casings along the trail.

Ksenija crouched suddenly and pulled Catherine along with her. Surprised at first, Catherine heard clicking from around the store's old shelves. She took a deep, silent breath, and removed her knife from her hip. Ksenija motioned for her to make her way around the right corner of shelves, as she went around the left. As she peered around the corner, Catherine spotted two runners, and a clicker only a few feet away. Her eyes widened as she felt panic take over her. The clicker squealed as she grabbed it by the neck and plunged her knife into its chest. Down the aisle, Ksenija did the same, looking toward the runners with worry. Catherine dropped the clicker and ducked back around the shelves, chest heaving. She trades her dirty knife for her pistol as she hears the inevitable footsteps running towards them. Catherine waited for them to find her first, just to make sure she wasn't making a bunch of noise for no reason. Maybe she waited too long, as there were suddenly three of them at her side, all clamoring over each other to get to her. She fired twice, killing one and crippling another's leg. The third one was faster than her, shoving her to the floor. She held it back by the throat, firing repeatedly into its stomach. All it did was piss it off. It gnashed at her while she struggled to kick away the other one, which latched onto her shoe. Her heart was in her throat as she begged her boot's leather to withhold human teeth. It released suddenly, then there was a gunshot. The runner on top of her was suddenly thrown, and through blurred vision she watched Ksenija grab the back of its head and slam it into the floor. She remained on the floor, unable to catch her breath, the idea of her heart not slowing in the back of her mind. Ksenija offered her hand and she took it, fairly unaware of it. On her feet, gripping Ksenija for balance, Catherine looked down at the runners.

"T-thank you." She managed.

"Are you okay? Are you bit?"

"My foot… Did it make it through my boot?"

"Sit down."

Catherine welcomed the ability to rest, despite it being immediately beside a pile of dead mushrooms. She felt at the toe of her boot, not seeing any punctures, but it did hurt. Ksenija began untying her boot for her, seemingly impatient. Her sock was removed and there was a red half circle, foreshadowing of future bruising, but no bite marks. She sighed in relief and looked at the bodies.

 _"Pizdets…zhizn’ ebet meya."_ She laughed.

"The mouth on you." Catherine also laughed, grabbing her sock and sliding it back on. She couldn't tell if any bones were broken, but she would find out soon enough, when the adrenaline wasn't numbing her entire body.

Once again pulled from the ground by Ksenija, they heard someone. It wasn't more infected, it was an honest to God voice.

"Hey? Is someone out there? Like, people?" It was coming from a shut door behind the store's front counter.

"Greg? Is that you?" Catherine hollered, walking toward the door.

It opened upon her saying his name. He was strong, but apparently only physically. Bundled up in his heavy winter clothes, he looked beyond relieved to see them.

"I've never been so happy to see a couple of lesbians in my life." He grinned.

"Yeah, I doubt that." Catherine chuckled, "How long have you been in there?"

"I don't know. I only slept once. How long have I been gone?"

"A few days. Doesn't matter now, let's get outta here."

"I tried that a couple of times," Greg said as they walked toward the shattered window they entered through, "There were just so many of them."

"How many?" Ksenija asked with urgency.

"There must have been dozens of them when I got knocked off of my horse. It was a horde-" There was a loud bang, and he was cut off suddenly. Catherine could only watch as blood sprayed from his face and he fell forward. The window ahead of them shattered. The two threw themselves behind shelves once again. Catherine reached for her rifle that time, sliding a bullet into the chamber and shifting the bolt handle. A few more gunshots went off, then it was quiet.

"We don't want anyone else to die!" Catherine yelled, "But if you don't put your guns down, then it's your goddamn head!"

"Bring it on!" Was the only reply she received, from a man, but she knew there were more people.

"We have to be ready to run if there are too many." She whispered to Ksenija.

Catherine inhaled deeply and held it as she turned the corner, spying one man, but hearing more. She lifted the gun, exhaled, and fired within what looked like a millisecond, hitting him despite making eye contact. The ragged, torn up jacket he wore had another wound tore through it by her bullet, which travelled through his arm and into his side. His eyes widened behind his round, yellow glasses and he either threw himself to the ground, or the bullet did it for him. Catherine reloaded as Ksenija fired, multiple times. Her rifle held more ammunition and fired faster, but Catherine preferred the weighted precision of the bolt action. Her lids rested heavy over her eyes and she provided a perfect example of it, swivelling her knees around the shelf and hitting one of the others in the lower jaw. She moved back, shuddering briefly at the sight. A bullet shot past her and hit the wall, nailing a poster that advertised a sale on Halloween chocolate. Ksenija fell back to reload, face stern. Gunshots slowed from the opposing side, but Catherine turned again to see the man with the yellow glasses. His gun was aimed directly at her and he was surrounded by black shadows, vaguely in the shape of people. The ones that stuck out the most were the ones that dripped from his eyes. She pulled back as he fired, yelling out as something carved out the side of her forehead. Her gun was thrown from her hands and the left side of her vision was clouded and red. Ksenija grabbed her roughly and turned her face toward her. She wiped the blood away and shoved Catherine's rifle back into her hands.

 _"Prodolzhat'! Vy ponimayete meniya?"_ Ksenija grabbed her face once more to wipe away the blood that wouldn't stop running. Catherine nodded, flicking the bolt handle once more. The man in the glasses paid her no more attention, assuming wrongly that he had killed her. She shot him in the chest, narrowly avoiding his heart to keep him alive, but immobile. Catherine barely hit a woman who neared their cover when Ksenija noticed her aim was off. She crowded her and fired from her side of the shelves. Catherine pulled her pistol from her hip as she heard footsteps from what was previously Ksenija's side. A man, fairly old, led with a shotgun. She fired readily, snapping the man's head back. Then, it was quiet, save for the man in the yellow glasses.

Catherine walked toward the downed table that he lay behind, blood pooling around him. She stared down at him, a solid stripe of blood marking her face. He grabbed her sleeve as she crouched beside him, but couldn't speak. He tried anyway.

"He-" he choked, "Help-"

She looked into his eyes, memorizing them. The shadows dripping from them were not shadows, but charcoal, smudged around his eyes and swiped down his cheeks.

"No." Catherine removed her knife from her sheath and sliced his throat in a single, brutal motion.

Catherine sat on the checkout counter as Ksenija wiped the blood from her face with a cloth she wetted with her drinking water. She tied a bandana around her head, concluding it would work well enough until they got back to Jackson.

"We need to keep going." Catherine said, wincing as Ksenija tightened the bandana to stop the bleeding at least a little bit.

 _"Aga, shchas, shnurki poglazhu!_ Idiot! You need to get to the clinic."

"There could be more of them. We can't go back, opening the gate would be too risky if they follow us. It's another ambush waiting to happen."

"That was a big group. It would be ridiculous if there were any more."

"Then we'll collect their weapons. Then go back. I have an extra bag folded up on the back of my saddle." She moved to retrieve said bag, but was stopped.

"Just wait here. I haven't been shot in the face."

Catherine shrugged and waited on the counter, swinging her legs anxiously for only a minute before she decided to start scrounging. She began looting the body of the man with the yellow glasses. He was very still, but still warm, making her uneasy as she pulled whatever spare ammo he had from him. It admittedly wasn't much, but she noticed his backpack. Flipping him over, she pulled the bag from his arms and made an audible sound of disgust as she forgot it would be soaked in blood. Perhaps there were things in it that could withstand blood soaking. She unzipped it carefully to avoid getting her hands dirtier than they already were. It was clearly meant for travel, meaning they didn't come from nearby. There was food, water, ammunition for his rifle, and a Polaroid. It was of him and a dog, dated long enough ago that she didn't have to worry about it being nearby. He didn't wear any charcoal over his eyes in the photograph. She replaced it and grabbed the two boxes of ammo that jingled with her movement.

Ksenija returned and grabbed the man's rifle from the floor. It was covered in etches, clearly starting on the stock, then stretching up the barrel.

"Did you find anything in his pack?" Ksenija asked, tucking the gun into Catherine's slightly snow covered bag.

"Ammunition, nothing more than that." She tightened the bandana around her head herself as some blood began dripping once again.

After gathering the guns and anything else of interest, Catherine caught a glimpse of the runner that Ksenija had saved her from. Its face was little more than a pile of bone fragments and goop. It was as impressive as it was disgusting.

Ksenija picked up Greg's body and heaved it onto the back of her horse. Catherine listened carefully to the wind whistling through the trees. There didn't seem to be _anything_ in the woods, not even birds.


	16. Hanukkah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY I'm back to writing this fic. Ngl I wrote a bunch of other stuff then spent like a month playing the mafia trilogy

Ksenija escorted Catherine to the clinic once they returned, leaving someone else to tend to the horses as well as Greg's body. She held onto the larger woman’s arm as she felt her balance give. Kotone took hold of her as soon as she stepped in and had her sit on a cot as she retrieved Dr. Bourne. He quickly took over, peeling away the bandana. Peeling was the correct word, as the blood fully saturated the bandana and clung to the skin. He dropped the gory mess into a bucket and washed away the blood, which led to resituating pieces of skull, which finally led to stitches along the side of her head.

“It’s gonna hurt for a while, but we’ll give you some painkillers to help with that.”

“So, nothing new?” Catherine chuckled, harking back to previous, seemingly worse wounds.

“No, nothing new.” He smiled, “But, we have to keep you here.”

“For how long?”

“A couple of weeks, minimum. If something happens, like your seizures coming back, then….”

“Don’t wanna think about that.” She glanced at Ksenija, who had diligently waited at her bedside, then back to the doctor, “Can you radio Susanna?”

“Sure.” He smiled, warm.

After a short talk over the radio, Catherine relaxed, but, of course, it wasn’t for long. She recalled them, the group, and the strange makeup they wore. The black tears falling out of the blonde man’s eyes. The black shadows circling him like dark storm clouds. It foretold something, but she couldn’t make head nor tail of it. She had never seen the bodies of the attackers on that day at the end of fall. Shaking her head, she turned her attention to the clinic door slamming open. There were hands on her face suddenly, the anxious hands of her partner ensuring she was alive and okay. She looked up, smiling gently into her green eyes that bore worry into her.

“Christ, Catherine. What happened?” Her hands slipped to her forearms.

“It was an ambush. A group of… ten, or eleven.”

“What were they?”   
“No idea. It might have been the same people that hit us before the snowfall.”

Susie nodded, taking in the information, “You should see Maria, then.”

“Ah, actually,” Dr. Bourne interrupted, “She can’t leave the clinic. We need to observe her.”

“Right. Right… Ksenija, can you go find Maria? Let her know what happened?” 

“Of course.” She stood with some effort, revealing a twisted ankle that she refused help for before leaving.

A week passes of wound washing and bandage changing, headaches and painkillers, pacing and scolding. Catherine was allowed to step outside for fresh air if she could stomach standing, which she barely could. She leaned against the rail. The weather was fair, if freezing. The children seemed to enjoy it at the very least, chasing each other and waving to her as they whizzed past. It reminded her of her own childhood, before the outbreak, and she was grateful to have those memories. It made her happy that in Jackson, the kids could have fun. Her mind snapped to Dina, wondering where she was, who she was with. There weren’t many options. She was either with Jesse, or Cat, or maybe just at home, staring at the menorah and wondering what her first gift will be. Susie was in a watchtower, as she had told her that morning, perhaps paying more attention to the clinic than outside the walls. In the very distance, Catherine heard the sound of the gate opening, not closing until a fair ten minutes had passed. She reached for her radio, then sighed as she realized she hadn’t had the damn thing since she got shot. Feeling dizzy, and feeling the cold nip at her fingertips, she returned to her cot, only a book to keep her company. She couldn’t focus on the words, the gate opening keeping her distracted.

“Dr. Bourne?”

“Yes, Mrs. Thompson?” Dr. Bourne replied sarcastically.

Catherine snorted, “Shut the fuck up. Can you find out why the gate just opened?”

“Uh, yep.” He stood up and grabbed his radio from his desk, switching the channel before speaking into it.

“Someone showed up at the gate.” Maria responded through some static.

“Someone?”

“Won’t give us a name, he seems pretty shook up. We’ll get some food into him and see if he talks.”

Catherine sighed, crossing her arms and leaning back on her pillow. Maria probably wouldn't have the time to visit her at the clinic, so the person at the gate would remain a mystery to her.

Another week passes. The pain in Catherine’s head subsided greatly, but left her dizzy if she decided to move too quickly. But it meant very little to her as she watched Susie light the first candle of the menorah, placing the shamash in the center. Dina had labeled her the head of the household when they first arrived in Jackson, telling her at the beginning of their first December that Tommy had found a menorah on a patrol and Susie had to say the blessings. Catherine couldn’t help but laugh, watching an excited ten year old try and teach a woman from Georgia  _ anything _ in Hebrew. Still, Susie practised hard for the girl, and now, four years later, she had the blessings, and even a song, down pat.

Dina was taking her turn at dreidel when they were interrupted by a knock at the door. Catherine offered to answer it, smiling as she saw Maria, blonde hair tucked behind her ears as always.

"Maria, good to see you."

"You too, Catherine. I'm sorry if I'm interrupting."

"Oh, don't worry about it. I was getting my ass kicked anyway." Catherine laughed and motioned toward the coffee table behind her, where there were only two piles of coins, Dina's being the largest.

"Well, you heard about that guy that drifted in about a week ago?"

"A little bit."

"His name's Scott Gray. I think you should meet him tomorrow."

"And why's that?"

Maria paused, her hands raised slightly as she thought, "Just meet us down at Seth's in the morning. When patrols usually start, sound good?"

"Alright," Catherine rubbed the back of her neck, "If you think I can keep my hands to myself."

"He's not working tomorrow. It's all Flynn."

"Really? Susie, you didn't tell me Funk actually got a job?"

Susie laughed, shaking her head. Catherine felt almost entranced as her ponytail swung with the motion, "Patrol got a little hectic, guess I forgot."

"Well, good for him. Yeah, I'll meet you tomorrow."

Catherine shut the door after a quick farewell and rested against it. She rubbed her forehead near her raw scar as it ached, the pain trailing over her eye.

"Hey, if you're not feeling up for it, I can let her know in the morning." Susie said.

Catherine had yet to notice that nearly a minute had passed before she spoke up.

"I'll sleep on it." And, once the candles had burned well past sundown, she slept on it.

Catherine entered the Tipsy Bison, tossing her hood back, gaining looks for the new, blatant scar. She gained more looks of pity than she would have liked, but smiled as she saw Maria at a booth. It seemed the place was a little busy, as patrols had been cancelled entirely that day due to the weather. The current lull in the blizzard that began at midnight surely wouldn't last long. Sitting beside the woman, she finally laid eyes on the man she told her about. His glaringly blue eyes were wide, as if surprised.

"Scott Gray?" She asked, settling and removing her gloves.

"Uhm, yes." He nodded, glancing down at the table. His voice was as gravelly as his exterior suggested. She imagined he wasn't usually as well kempt as he was now, wearing a clean flannel and a beanie over his freshly washed black hair, just barely reaching past his jaw.

"I'm… glad you're okay."

Catherine found it an odd choice of greeting. His only possible tell of nervousness was how he fiddled with his hands on the table.

"I was a part of the group that ambushed you."

Catherine became still, looking hard at the man's face. 

"I never saw you."

"Because I ran." Neither woman spoke, imploring him to explain, "They forced me into their compound months ago. It seemed like my only chance out of there."

"How'd they force  _ you _ into anything?" She referred to his large build.

"There are a lot of them. Hundreds."

"And how am I supposed to believe any of this shit?"

"Because they're planning on hitting the town again in  _ full force _ . It's soon."

Catherine felt her breathing get the better of her as some nearby eyes lay on them, "We should talk about this in private." She stands without their input and makes her way to the front door, slipping her gloves back on and putting her hood up. The wind had picked up. It blew snow from the roofs of the buildings and whipped the ice against the few other people that rushed through the streets. Walking alongside Maria, keeping her distance from Scott, she spotted the barn. It was over many houses, tall and covered in snow. She had been barred from even getting near the horses. The risk of getting thrown was too high to take, according to Dr. Bourne, and hitting her head may kill her, if not put her into a coma.

Apparently Maria had given Scott a near official place to live. A furnished shed at the back of another house. He had a bed, a couch, even a coffee table and a desk. Catherine was uneasy at this discovery. She didn't want him in Jackson, let alone sleeping comfy in his own damn house. The lack of weapons in the room made her feel slightly better. Scott pulled a folded piece of paper from the desk and knelt in front of the coffee table, smoothing it out.

"This is their plan for the attack. Similar to the last one."

"First, you're going to tell me who  _ they _ are." Catherine remained standing as Maria took a spot on the couch.

"They're not called anything." He stared down at the paper, "Some people… call them monsters."

Maria glanced up at Catherine. She clearly wanted her to give the man mercy. She knew things that Catherine didn't. Clearing her throat, she changed the subject.

"Is that plan legit?"

"We were a scouting team. This is the plan the boss gave us after a few guys came back from the first attack. They want to set up two camps on the eastern and western sides of Jackson. Once settled, geared up, the snipers will take out whoever's in the watchtowers. They'll grapple hook over the walls, drop down, and just… attack."

Catherine took a deep breath, "Jesus Christ…. How many are coming? And when?"

"In two weeks. Here," He stands up and rummages through a backpack near the door, "Christ, I still have it." He passes a crumpled list to Catherine, "I was eavesdropping on a couple of higher-ups, talking about how many soldiers they want to send. It was back and forth for a while. You took out twenty of our men during the first attack like it was nothing."

"Children were killed during the first attack," Catherine did not look up from the paper, "Jackson had a lot of motive…. This says they may be sending up to fifty soldiers?"

"Thirty-five foot soldiers, five snipers, ten heavys. It's their ideal, it could be different, but all together they  _ will _ send that many men."

"Christ…" Catherine looked over at Maria to see she had her head in her hands, "Maybe we can outnumber them if we start handing guns to the kids."

"Numbers don't mean anything." Scott scoffed, "Catherine and Ksenija took out my entire scouting team on their own. If there's just a few more people here like them then you  _ really _ stand a chance."

"Tommy, and Susanna." Catherine said, "Clarice would've been nice to have around."

"Yeah." Maria stood and placed her hands on her hips. It was evident how heavy everything weighed on her as she sighed, bowing her head and closing her eyes, "We'll call a town meeting tonight."

"A town meeting? Are you fucking-  _ how _ are we gonna tell everyone about this without  _ mass _ panic? How are we gonna tell them that we have one of  _ them _ living here? In Jackson!"

" _ Calm down _ ." Maria was stern, on the verge of spitting through her teeth, "We don't have time to prepare as it is. I don't know how everyone's gonna react, it doesn't matter. I'll have it at five. Just be there."


End file.
